So this weekend we had a craft fair, LONG day for us as we were in charge of the fair and all the drama that goes along with that..
By the end of the day I had nothing left and yet I still felt like I needed to make sure that everyone there was good and spend some time talking to some that I had not yet that day...
So Lisa and I head over to one Gal.. I had met her when she paid for her booth and I felt like I knew her but could not place where.. she looked super tired and as we talked we found out she was running on almost no sleep and was warn out.. As we talked she shared a story about her kids and having to report a case of child abuse and the pain that caused the whole family. Given the history of our upbringing both Lisa and I understand that. As we talked she mentioned how she had stopped going to church for a long time over the issue (the elders in the church would not report it to the state and the rift that caused) She gave me the standard you need to come back to God talk, and told me to watch out that I avoid witchcraft... She then preceded to do something that many in her church would see as witchcraft (having been a part of that church and having the gifts we do, we have both had challenges in understanding ourselves) Normally when someone tries to read me I put up walls to make it harder, this time I did not and it shocked her I think as she was hesitant to share what she was able to read, and was shocked when I told her that my father was a pastor.. I then found out she knows my mom's family and was involved with a summer camp that I will miss for all time, mostly because of the land that I loved!
I understand the struggle she has to be herself and yet be what the church wants.. That is the reason I moved on, after years of study and feeling like I could never be good enough I knew my leaving would hurt some of my family deeply, but I had to do it for me. I had to be me without always feeling like I am not good enough.. Sadly thanks to the years of having that shoved in my face I am still dealing with it every day.... but the last 3 years or so I have made more progress then in the 30+ years before. I am starting to do the work on me that I needed to do 20 years ago... that will make me a stronger woman and a better person..
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Monday, February 13, 2017
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Daddy-o
This week is most likely the last week my dad has on this earth.. it seems that the treatments he endured did not slow his cancer.. I have known for a week or so that I needed to spend the time to write a letter to my dad, but I have not done it because the thought makes me cry.
But today I have all these words running in head, the memories, all the little things that made him a great dad.
I think it is time to work on some words.. but it is hard when no words express what I feel.....
But today I have all these words running in head, the memories, all the little things that made him a great dad.
I think it is time to work on some words.. but it is hard when no words express what I feel.....
1/14/16 8:31 AM PST
Update 2/4/16
Little did I know that my thoughts were right on, My father passed just 24 hours from my post. the next 10 days was spent crossing the country and crying.
Little did I know that my thoughts were right on, My father passed just 24 hours from my post. the next 10 days was spent crossing the country and crying.
on a happy note I am in closer contact with my step-mom then I have before. Part because I am wanting to make sure I check on her every couple of days and part because she wants to fill her time with family. I managed to write a little for my sister that she then edited into the life sketch.. all of us kids added to it in different ways.
This is what I messaged My little sis.
Thinking about dad, I think of stories, learning, working on cars, listening to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor @ full volume, making Adventist History come alive, Singing, Sleeping in a tent with snow on the ground, pitching Camp meeting tents, "helping" build fire breaks, and so many other things.. but what I hold closest to my heart is his Smile and Laugh. He always knew how to make me laugh when I wanted to cry, and to how to laugh at myself. Til we meet again, on that fine morning, I love you and always will.
I also have a story that is dad to the core....
I was about 2 and we had just moved to Norwalk, I did not know everyone yet and when I could not find my mom I went to get Daddy... he was preaching at the time and I just walked up the isle to ask him if he knew where mom was. rather then get upset with me he picked me up and kept right on preaching. years later his reaction to me that day brought a lady to church and she told me that it was me that caused her to want to learn about God, but I know it was not me, but God using Dad to show His love..
Monday, December 14, 2015
Memories..
I am in the process of scanning a bunch of pictures for a holiday project, I am remembering so many things from the times the pictures were taken and the ages of us kids (including my step siblings)
it got me thinking about all the little things we say and do over the years. How we become one large family.
It was over 15 years ago I knew my parents were not ment to be. It was Christmas time that my mom finally told him she had reached the end of her rope. For several years I dreaded this time of year, it had been my favorite before that. but that was a black cloud. Then I learned a few things. I gained a step mom who I call Mama, and saw how hard it was for her. Back then I was not mean to be mean, but I was mean to her in other ways, it took me years to see that.
Now when I talk to my mom I see that she has always cared about my dad but not in a romantic way. she knew that her leaving him would be a good thing for him. she was right.
Mama brings out a side of dad I had never seen, they act like a couple should..
I got a chance to really see them in action this month. My dad is in the hospital and Mama is by his side all day every day!
I have seen her argue with doctors and nurses to get him the care he needs and I have seen her lovingly try to help anyway she can.
I remembered why we are a family, because we love each other and never give up.
Seeing Mama take care of dad is a sight I never thought about, and in years past I would have been jealous, as that was always my role. but this time I am not and I am glad she is there to do it. I wish I could be a bigger help to her.
I am glad that I have mama in my life, not only is my dad happier then I ever remember him being in the years before she came around, but I gained 4 siblings that I love very much!
it got me thinking about all the little things we say and do over the years. How we become one large family.
It was over 15 years ago I knew my parents were not ment to be. It was Christmas time that my mom finally told him she had reached the end of her rope. For several years I dreaded this time of year, it had been my favorite before that. but that was a black cloud. Then I learned a few things. I gained a step mom who I call Mama, and saw how hard it was for her. Back then I was not mean to be mean, but I was mean to her in other ways, it took me years to see that.
Now when I talk to my mom I see that she has always cared about my dad but not in a romantic way. she knew that her leaving him would be a good thing for him. she was right.
Mama brings out a side of dad I had never seen, they act like a couple should..
I got a chance to really see them in action this month. My dad is in the hospital and Mama is by his side all day every day!
I have seen her argue with doctors and nurses to get him the care he needs and I have seen her lovingly try to help anyway she can.
I remembered why we are a family, because we love each other and never give up.
Seeing Mama take care of dad is a sight I never thought about, and in years past I would have been jealous, as that was always my role. but this time I am not and I am glad she is there to do it. I wish I could be a bigger help to her.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Examining the power of a gift
The last few weeks have been full of all kinds of things around here and one is some legal actions that are being dealt with. To combat the negative energy and the over all sadness that comes with that. Lisa and I employed the power of the homemade gift.
We put careful thought into all parts of this gift and it all has power and meaning.
Each of the charms was picked with the recipient in mind, She is the Queen of our "family" so the crown. A Key (many meanings here) she holds the key to her man's heart, there is a door she will find it, she is the woman of the house, and again the crown on top for her role. The last is a shamrock, 4 leaf clover is always good luck, but also is a sly token to the old ways that we follow. Even to clasp being a heart was for a reason, so she knows she is in our hearts at all times.
Each stone is there for a reason, protection, health, justice, better communication (due to reasons beyond her control, she has not had much communication with her man), strength, and clearness of thought... several stones are also gifts from other people those stones are fully charged and cleansed, that adds even more power to them.
After we finished making it we took it out to the fire and used smoke to cleanse and purify it, while asking for specific intentions to be clear, and for the stones to be free to work as they should with help from above.
Wisdom, Justice, and Comfort were some of the things we asked for. While we give this gift tomorrow (today when this is published) may the recipient know every time she sees it and wears it, that we have her back, and she is family.
We put careful thought into all parts of this gift and it all has power and meaning.
Each stone is there for a reason, protection, health, justice, better communication (due to reasons beyond her control, she has not had much communication with her man), strength, and clearness of thought... several stones are also gifts from other people those stones are fully charged and cleansed, that adds even more power to them.
After we finished making it we took it out to the fire and used smoke to cleanse and purify it, while asking for specific intentions to be clear, and for the stones to be free to work as they should with help from above.Wisdom, Justice, and Comfort were some of the things we asked for. While we give this gift tomorrow (today when this is published) may the recipient know every time she sees it and wears it, that we have her back, and she is family.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
sad days... venting commencing
So in the last 24 hours I have spent 2 hours on the phone trying to find out why one of my/hubby's meds is not covered, and found out that we should have gotten it but there was an email error and one insurance hubby was removed from (even if we just got a new card from them) several months ago (news to us) and so it is getting fixed but what a pain!!!!
then I find out that a relative who is expecting was put on bed rest for the last couple of months and their rental house is being sold from under them so they are gonna have to move (HOW? when she cannot get up to pack, and her hubby has his hands full with school and the toddler?)
And the icing on the $hit cake... growing up we moved every 2-2 1/2 years until I was 10 then we lived in the same place until I was 17. I grew to love that place and the people there. Early this morning the grandmother on the street passed :...(
it has not been a fun 24 hours and I am done with this day.
I am also having a flare and eating is a pain (literally, my intestines cramp up when I eat and so I am in bed trying to rest, but it is hard to rest when my brain is trying to solve all these issues and be sad.. so I write..
then I find out that a relative who is expecting was put on bed rest for the last couple of months and their rental house is being sold from under them so they are gonna have to move (HOW? when she cannot get up to pack, and her hubby has his hands full with school and the toddler?)
And the icing on the $hit cake... growing up we moved every 2-2 1/2 years until I was 10 then we lived in the same place until I was 17. I grew to love that place and the people there. Early this morning the grandmother on the street passed :...(
it has not been a fun 24 hours and I am done with this day.
I am also having a flare and eating is a pain (literally, my intestines cramp up when I eat and so I am in bed trying to rest, but it is hard to rest when my brain is trying to solve all these issues and be sad.. so I write..
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Food Traditions
I have so many traditions with the holidays, and this year I wanted to do something special for my step-kids who do not live with us. I have been taught their dad's lasagna (he still checks every batch to make sure I am on track) and I froze one for each of the kids not living with us... well that got me thinking about the need to put it down on paper and so this is the start... I cannot give out the sauce part as that is the family secret (but I have passed it on to the kids)
Dad’s Lasagna (makes 2 pans)
Triple batch Mom Bronson’s pasta sauce (this is a meat sauce)
Large container Ricotta Cheese
2 lbs Mozzarella
1 can grated Parmesan (you might not need it all)
1 large box lasagna noodles
1 box chopped spinach (optional)
Cook noodles, drain and rinse with cold water (place in cold
water so they do not stick, I use the pot)
Mix Ricotta and spinach
Place mozzarella in freezer for 45 min then grate (much
easier to grate, you can use a food processor for this as size and shape does
not matter so much)
Assembly:
Start with a about 1 cup of sauce in the bottom then a layer
of noodles (most dishes take 3 across)
Top with ricotta mixture, grated mozzarella and some parmesan
then more sauce (about 2-3 cups)
Repeat 2 more times on the top of the last sauce add more
mozzarella and parmesan.
Cooking:
Heat in the oven at 350 degrees for 45 min – 1 hour, until
the top is brown and the sauce bubbly (it is a good idea to place on a cookie
sheet or line the oven when cooking)
If frozen allow to thaw as much as possible then add 30 min-
1 hour to cooking time if still frozen at all.
At my house we always made gluten stakes for holidays (as growing up I did not eat meat) and I still love them. and we all had a little different way of making them but the memories of cooking with my mom are great!
I also have a wonderful cookie from my Ex mother in law (still love them, no ill feelings on my end) but I did not get to making that this year (I forgot until to late, as they need to sit for 6 weeks) sorry I do not have permission to pass that one on :) but I will say that I have given it to the my step-kids.
My step kids have also given some to me, they shared their grandmother's brownies (the best out there and simple!!!) and other traditions like having stew on Halloween (and their Grandmother's recipe for stew!) but again I do not share what I do not have permission to. What I did with those was make sure they are on the computer and I wish to make a book out of them for the kids at some point (even if I print it simple)
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Update on the eyes....
I had my follow up appointment with the eye dr. this week and it was a day! but all that aside we have 2 main options...
1) surgery again (no insurance for that right now, but after I get on medicare they will cover that one)
2) prisms in my glasses (did not even ask how much that would cost!)
so we were talking about the insurance issues and he mentioned that there is a stick on prism that they can put on my current glasses that is affordable ($30) and will let us know if that really is a good idea for the long run.
So we did it and I get to start wearing the "new" glasses today (ok, I should have started today but I was lazy and they did tell me to let it cure for 24-48 hours, in a safe place not in the case, and they did not get to that until almost 11pm Thursday night)
I have to clean them in a different way now (to avoid removing the stick on) and it will make the vision a little blurry with that eye (ok, so it will just match my contact with that eye lol)
But I got some good information from the lady who put it on, she said my rimless frames is not an option with an in lens prism (they are to thick and the pins for the rimless are not long enough). so I mentioned to her my idea of vision correction to lighten my lenses then maybe I could do the rimless or another really lightweight frame.. she thought it was a great idea. I did tell her I had no notion that it would give me 20/20 vision as my eyes are so bad but if we can make it medically needed, as it is less invasive as the surgery I had 7/12, so my body might tolerate it better.... for now that is just an idea but one I like :)
1) surgery again (no insurance for that right now, but after I get on medicare they will cover that one)
2) prisms in my glasses (did not even ask how much that would cost!)
so we were talking about the insurance issues and he mentioned that there is a stick on prism that they can put on my current glasses that is affordable ($30) and will let us know if that really is a good idea for the long run.
So we did it and I get to start wearing the "new" glasses today (ok, I should have started today but I was lazy and they did tell me to let it cure for 24-48 hours, in a safe place not in the case, and they did not get to that until almost 11pm Thursday night)
I have to clean them in a different way now (to avoid removing the stick on) and it will make the vision a little blurry with that eye (ok, so it will just match my contact with that eye lol)
But I got some good information from the lady who put it on, she said my rimless frames is not an option with an in lens prism (they are to thick and the pins for the rimless are not long enough). so I mentioned to her my idea of vision correction to lighten my lenses then maybe I could do the rimless or another really lightweight frame.. she thought it was a great idea. I did tell her I had no notion that it would give me 20/20 vision as my eyes are so bad but if we can make it medically needed, as it is less invasive as the surgery I had 7/12, so my body might tolerate it better.... for now that is just an idea but one I like :)
Monday, November 18, 2013
Thankful November....
I see on Facebook all the posts where people are saying they are thankful for this and that. and while I have never done the daily posting like many I usually think about it most the month.
This year has been hard for me, looking back I thought last year was hard and in ways it was but this year is teaching me more and those lessons seem to be harder for me to learn.
So I am struggling with being positive this month but I am struggling, meaning I have not given up. I do not plan on giving up. I am a fighter and while I might take longer then I like to learn my lessons I will learn them!!!
I look back and in the last year I have learned a lot about me and who I am, what I have to offer the world and my friends and how to use it better. I still have a lot more learning to go but I feel like I am starting to trust in myself more now than ever before. I do not tend to share much about that as some people feel differently about it and out of respect for them I do not want to share it. but I am working on a writing project about it (it is on the back burner right now to another project).
Looking forward the next few months hold many challenges, decisions that have to be made, about where to live when the lease is up, how to afford a place, lots of things there, but I have guides to help me and I am sure that the right path will be shown me. even if it is not the path I want... I trust that I cannot plan every detail and that I must go with the flow but I will do my best to prepare for every path I can see so I have as much done before as I can.
I thought I would share a video of one of my furry friends who keep me company and loves on me when I am down.. This one is special cause he is about 17 and playing like a kitten here, with my knee brace LOL, I think it got catnip on it somehow..
This year has been hard for me, looking back I thought last year was hard and in ways it was but this year is teaching me more and those lessons seem to be harder for me to learn.
So I am struggling with being positive this month but I am struggling, meaning I have not given up. I do not plan on giving up. I am a fighter and while I might take longer then I like to learn my lessons I will learn them!!!
I look back and in the last year I have learned a lot about me and who I am, what I have to offer the world and my friends and how to use it better. I still have a lot more learning to go but I feel like I am starting to trust in myself more now than ever before. I do not tend to share much about that as some people feel differently about it and out of respect for them I do not want to share it. but I am working on a writing project about it (it is on the back burner right now to another project).
Looking forward the next few months hold many challenges, decisions that have to be made, about where to live when the lease is up, how to afford a place, lots of things there, but I have guides to help me and I am sure that the right path will be shown me. even if it is not the path I want... I trust that I cannot plan every detail and that I must go with the flow but I will do my best to prepare for every path I can see so I have as much done before as I can.
I thought I would share a video of one of my furry friends who keep me company and loves on me when I am down.. This one is special cause he is about 17 and playing like a kitten here, with my knee brace LOL, I think it got catnip on it somehow..
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Bampa
This past Halloween my Grandfather aka Bampa passed away. I knew that his passing would hit me even if in many ways I had grieved for him already. It still has not hit but I know it will and I am not trying to stop it or ignore it.
Part of my writing this is to maybe get that rolling, as I know it needs to.
I wanted to not focus on the last years of his life when he did not know anyone but rather remember the good times.
He is my first grand parent to pass so in that I am vary lucky. He was almost 83 I believe (I could be a year off)
He always had a candy bar somewhere (that G'ma aka Bobbi did not know about) and if I asked nicely I could get him to share it with me (as long as my dad and Bobbi did not know about it) I always seems to find them (he never did find out how I did that, I was a snoopy kid and would look, but most of the time he was right here when I did it so it was not like I was hiding it)
He loved to watch TV, I remember when he came to visit one time eating pizza and watching TV (and playing Sonic) at Aunt Tina's house. Things I did not get to do at home.
I loved hearing him sing, he did not like his voice but I did, now that I have had something happen to mine I understand his dislike of his, cause it was not what it had been before, but I did not know it before and I liked it just the way it was.
I remember that he let my little sister (who was really little at the time) pick out the dishes he got when he moved back to UT before Bobbi (she had to finish the school year, teaching)
I remember his love of raw potatoes (one he passed down to me, odd I know but memories now)
I remember how loving he was in his own way, kind and loved to spoil us.
I remember his love for buying in bulk to get a better price (even if he only needed one like the honey severs, he got a gross <144> and everyone had them and there were still leftovers)
I remember his love for pens, he always had lots of different ones (another thing I got from him)
I remember that he was a Notary, and when my dad had to take his seal back to the police office (when my grandparents got divorced he left it so my dad needed to turn it in)
Most important I will always remember his hugs.
RIP Bampa, until we meet again.
Part of my writing this is to maybe get that rolling, as I know it needs to.
I wanted to not focus on the last years of his life when he did not know anyone but rather remember the good times.
He is my first grand parent to pass so in that I am vary lucky. He was almost 83 I believe (I could be a year off)
He always had a candy bar somewhere (that G'ma aka Bobbi did not know about) and if I asked nicely I could get him to share it with me (as long as my dad and Bobbi did not know about it) I always seems to find them (he never did find out how I did that, I was a snoopy kid and would look, but most of the time he was right here when I did it so it was not like I was hiding it)
He loved to watch TV, I remember when he came to visit one time eating pizza and watching TV (and playing Sonic) at Aunt Tina's house. Things I did not get to do at home.
I loved hearing him sing, he did not like his voice but I did, now that I have had something happen to mine I understand his dislike of his, cause it was not what it had been before, but I did not know it before and I liked it just the way it was.
I remember that he let my little sister (who was really little at the time) pick out the dishes he got when he moved back to UT before Bobbi (she had to finish the school year, teaching)
I remember his love of raw potatoes (one he passed down to me, odd I know but memories now)
I remember how loving he was in his own way, kind and loved to spoil us.
I remember his love for buying in bulk to get a better price (even if he only needed one like the honey severs, he got a gross <144> and everyone had them and there were still leftovers)
I remember his love for pens, he always had lots of different ones (another thing I got from him)
I remember that he was a Notary, and when my dad had to take his seal back to the police office (when my grandparents got divorced he left it so my dad needed to turn it in)
Most important I will always remember his hugs.
RIP Bampa, until we meet again.
Monday, October 28, 2013
New project
I have been working one a new project... this one on the computer.. a writing project about my life with Fbyro and some ways to explain it to others. Today I was working on my typical day and decided that I needed to detail out 3 kinds of days a typical day, a good day and a BAD day... well the bad day one cracked me up so I thought I would share it here... while I did combine days for the examples the fatigue lvl is correct.
Bad day: mumble to hubby as he gets up to please feed cat, roll over. Wish I had enough energy to eat. Grab the flat soda on the night stand, almost drop it, manage to spill it on the bed. Grab the towel by the bed for this reason place under me as I am not moving. Day creeps on… nap on and off, is it bed time yet??? I need to eat… hubby offers to bring me the food he is making, only he forgot what he is making upsets my tummy, ask for pasta (it always goes down) make a mess of my shirt with pasta. Oh well no shower tonight, I hope I can get out of bed tomorrow. Crawl to feed elderly cat, then back to bed for the night. Now I am awake… listen to audio book for hours until I finally get to sleep.
I love this pain scale, for fybro I have a HIGH pain tolerance (not normal) but that means that when I say I am at a 5, I am putting it against the worst pain I have ever had that really fits the top of this scale. I have been at a 2-3 daily for 13 years then when the fybro hit 3 is a GOOD number I can function with that (as long as my joints are not stiff, and the fatigue is low) I can keep to a 3 most of the time if I do nothing but sit on a heating pad, but then I cannot function cause as soon as I get up the pain goes up. silly nerves :(
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
eyes... again...
I have know for a while that my eyes have been going down a road that I did not want them to again, after I had surgery 15 months ago I thought I should be good for another 10 years at least... but NO... went to the eye dr yesterday and it looks like my options are surgery again or glasses full time (they have ways with glasses to help that they cannot with contacts <sad face>) but I also have a minor infection so we are clearing that up before we look at what my eyes are really seeing and therefor what the options are... all when I have insurance that pays out NOTHING for glasses and contacts, and nothing for surgery... so it is gonna have to wait somehow anyway... and hopefully I get disability soon, then I can have medicaid and they will do more (not any thing on glasses or contacts but they will help with surgery at least if we decided that was the best option) I am gonna research and have a list of questions for the Dr next visit keeping in mind what he has told us so far. I went to a different Dr cause the other one seemed to blow me off, I think that he felt I was being a pain but I was only being honest and I know my body much better then he knows it from seeing me what a total of 6 times in 4 months or something like that.. But this Dr did all the measuring himself rather then having anther person do it and he spent more time looking at my eyes then any eye Dr has yet so that makes me feel good, he also has a better way with us. he knows the other Dr well and has never heard bad things about him but we just did not click... and I think it was that I knew something was still wrong and he did not believe me so he brushed me off, and I do not like being treated like that. until I started seeing my primary care Dr almost all the Dr's I have seen have done that with at least something I have told them. and sure enough I am right my eyes are doing the same thing they were before and one is starting to do something different also... grrrrr What I have with my eyes is called strabisimus, I have had it from birth. but we thought my first surgery at 9 months was to fix it for good, little did we know that it often needs done again in life and often every 10-15 years... I went 31 years the first time so that I cannot complain about :)
Sunday, March 24, 2013
so many projects at once
I think I am nuts for the number of projects I have going at one time...
I have the 2 tests in progress (both of them do not take time on my part, I did what I needed to do to get it started, one is about time, one about usefulness)
Then I have 2 sewing projects in progress, one is the 2nd quilt (see quilting post) and the other is the un named mother's day gift. that one is much closer to done, only one more sewing day to finish it. I usually sew for 1-2 hours on a day then my body says time out no more bending over the machine..
I also have 2 crocheting projects in the works (one is with scraps so it is not a main project) But there are days I cannot crochet (thanks hands for hurting when I have other plans)
so I am not able to have just one project in the works, I need projects that I can do while sitting, standing, and even laying down if I am having a really bad day..
Oh and I am in the planning stages of several more projects... One will be done this week, results will be posted in a few weeks (testing time, cannot post about something until it has been put threw the paces)
On a "fun" note my washer decided to start making odd noises and walking across the floor like it has never done before :( we found a repairman that would talk to us over the phone and he is almost 100% on what is going (it is only a $50 part but it can take 2-4 hours to replace, and the chances of another piece needed replaced is high, that part is $200 he said that the parts often break at the same time..) so after adding up the cost to fix it seems better to replace it, it had a good life,10 years and 4 moves. the last move it did not like and it gave us trouble for a week after that, and the main knob is having issues also (on the inside, but it does not happen all the time) If my dad was here to fix it it would be better to keep it... as it is the labor that adds up fast. I had thought about selling it on the local classifieds (a TV station runs a great site here) for cheap (as is, needs work, king of a deal) but it looks like we might have found it a home where it is needed and an improvement over the current one. I am a firm believer in helping others when you can, in any way you can. While I could make $100 off it I would rather gift it when needed so that when I am in need of a gift the chances of me getting it are higher (not thinking this person would "repay" it, but Karma : do good and good will come to you)
I have the 2 tests in progress (both of them do not take time on my part, I did what I needed to do to get it started, one is about time, one about usefulness)
Then I have 2 sewing projects in progress, one is the 2nd quilt (see quilting post) and the other is the un named mother's day gift. that one is much closer to done, only one more sewing day to finish it. I usually sew for 1-2 hours on a day then my body says time out no more bending over the machine..
I also have 2 crocheting projects in the works (one is with scraps so it is not a main project) But there are days I cannot crochet (thanks hands for hurting when I have other plans)
so I am not able to have just one project in the works, I need projects that I can do while sitting, standing, and even laying down if I am having a really bad day..
Oh and I am in the planning stages of several more projects... One will be done this week, results will be posted in a few weeks (testing time, cannot post about something until it has been put threw the paces)
On a "fun" note my washer decided to start making odd noises and walking across the floor like it has never done before :( we found a repairman that would talk to us over the phone and he is almost 100% on what is going (it is only a $50 part but it can take 2-4 hours to replace, and the chances of another piece needed replaced is high, that part is $200 he said that the parts often break at the same time..) so after adding up the cost to fix it seems better to replace it, it had a good life,10 years and 4 moves. the last move it did not like and it gave us trouble for a week after that, and the main knob is having issues also (on the inside, but it does not happen all the time) If my dad was here to fix it it would be better to keep it... as it is the labor that adds up fast. I had thought about selling it on the local classifieds (a TV station runs a great site here) for cheap (as is, needs work, king of a deal) but it looks like we might have found it a home where it is needed and an improvement over the current one. I am a firm believer in helping others when you can, in any way you can. While I could make $100 off it I would rather gift it when needed so that when I am in need of a gift the chances of me getting it are higher (not thinking this person would "repay" it, but Karma : do good and good will come to you)
Sunday, March 17, 2013
So goes life
I have several projects in the works, but non are finished (in the testing stage right now are homemade kitchen scrubbies, homemade air fresheners, and an un-named Mother's day gift...)
The title is one of the sayings I use a lot! Most often when people ask me about things that I cannot change or how I am feeling. I tend to end my comment with "and so is life" or "so goes it" It is my way of saying that I am not letting it get to me that I cannot change it but that I know that it is there.
This week I added a word to my medical file one that I had a good idea needed to be there but Doc did everything he could to make sure he could not find something my issues could be blamed on that fit better. That word is Fibromyalgia. I have been thinking about it and me for 4-6 months but I think that it has been lurking for years. I am blessed to have a high pain tolerance and an aversion to taking meds that make me dizzy (most rx pain killers do that and/or make me sick to my tummy) So when the pain that I have had for many years got worse after my eye surgery last July, I started doing research. But My Doc wanted to rule out as many things as he could first (makes logical sense to me) When I started down to road to SS Disability Doc did a bunch of tests to rule out and decided that I have more then just Fybro but that is a good place to start until we can find out what the rest of it is. I don't often talk about my physical issues as I would rather not have them :) but they are a part of me and I am stuck at home, not able to work and going nuts (so I do crafty things to keep me busy)
I cannot change it and yet I am doing what I can to make it better and have great friends and family that are always on the look out for a new natural thing for me to try out :)
So Goes Life...
The title is one of the sayings I use a lot! Most often when people ask me about things that I cannot change or how I am feeling. I tend to end my comment with "and so is life" or "so goes it" It is my way of saying that I am not letting it get to me that I cannot change it but that I know that it is there.
This week I added a word to my medical file one that I had a good idea needed to be there but Doc did everything he could to make sure he could not find something my issues could be blamed on that fit better. That word is Fibromyalgia. I have been thinking about it and me for 4-6 months but I think that it has been lurking for years. I am blessed to have a high pain tolerance and an aversion to taking meds that make me dizzy (most rx pain killers do that and/or make me sick to my tummy) So when the pain that I have had for many years got worse after my eye surgery last July, I started doing research. But My Doc wanted to rule out as many things as he could first (makes logical sense to me) When I started down to road to SS Disability Doc did a bunch of tests to rule out and decided that I have more then just Fybro but that is a good place to start until we can find out what the rest of it is. I don't often talk about my physical issues as I would rather not have them :) but they are a part of me and I am stuck at home, not able to work and going nuts (so I do crafty things to keep me busy)
I cannot change it and yet I am doing what I can to make it better and have great friends and family that are always on the look out for a new natural thing for me to try out :)
So Goes Life...
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Learning.. always learning
The past 2 weeks I have not done much in the crafty realm. I like to blame the weather that had my hands hurting to the point that I could not do much (they are like weather veins) But in my never ending quest to keep busy I dove into learning more about PTSD. I had seen a Dr Oz show that got me started thinking about it few week before. On the show The guest was talking about how any traumatic event can cause this kind of reaction from the body/brain.
Note: before I go on I want to make clear that I think most times PTSD that non military people deal with is less but that does not mean that it is not there. Our brave men and women who have served our country are dealing with the worst kind because they had to do things they would never do in "normal" life and they saw way more then that. This post in NO way is trying to make PTSD smaller then it is, I am trying to talk about a scale of mild to totally disabling. Each person's experiences are different and so is the aftermath.
As I thought more about that and reactions/feelings I saw that both Hubby and I have been dealing with issues that fall into that spectrum. I am blessed to be a part of a group on Facebook for PTSD support/learning. The lady who facilitates it has a wonderful understanding and a beautiful way of putting things into words to really uplifted and support. Reading other's challenges, has given me a clearer understanding and has helped me see how it affects those in my life.
Over the past five years both my husband and I went from working full time to be home full-time (still hoping I can get back to work). This transition has not been easy especially for him as he feels responsible for the family support. This transition has caused many PTSD symptoms and has taught us coping skills. overall I think we are handling our situation very well. But I wish I had learned more sooner.
As I look back over my life I can see several traumatic incidents, and after each incident I saw a change in myself. At the time I dealt with it, which was the best thing to do (sometimes it took many years to deal with but it has been done) but had I known more about PTSD even in my teens it would have better equipped me to deal with things in a timely fashion.
The biggest reason I wish I had learned more sooner is that it might have assisted with my ex-husband. He didn't like to think of it as PTSD so I never dove into it. He preferred survivor syndrome or something of that nature and I did do some looking into that but that was not as helpful to me, it might have been more helpful for him... I have no regrets as I did what I could but sometimes looking back you see what more you might have done.
Some things that PTSD can cause:
Feeling unloveable, worthless, not a "man" (breadwinner)
Acting out verbally, physically, and sexually (one of the biggest issues is cheating)
Depression, trouble sleeping, nightmares from hell, fatigue
Those with PTSD are often argumentative and seem to start something from nothing, but what their brains say they believe.. ie "you always treat me like a child" they feel like you are waiting on them hand and foot like you would a sick kid, so you must think they are like a kid. but in reality it is because they need X, Y and Z to stay calm so you just got those items for them without being asked. (btw this is not a real example)
Some tips for all of us caregivers, family or friends who want to stay in their lives:
Don't say like "it is all in your head", "I don't see anything wrong so you must be fine" or "you are not the person you used to be" anything along those lines. those with PTSD want to be the person they were before and most are working every day to be that person. This put down can set them back months
Don't let them get away with acting badly, but learn to remind without anger (this is something I am still learning..) and respond without anger when lashed out at ("inferred" or real)
Help where ever you can, even if that means going in the next room for a while so that calming down can happen faster.
Find ways to help them release the anger they feel at not being able to do the things they used to do, or for feeling that they are worthless/ unlovable
Find ways to release your own pain, you cannot be a caregiver (in any way not just PTSD) for long if you cannot have you time, and things that help you unwind. (My crafts are part of that for me, also computer games)
My 2 cents :)
Note: before I go on I want to make clear that I think most times PTSD that non military people deal with is less but that does not mean that it is not there. Our brave men and women who have served our country are dealing with the worst kind because they had to do things they would never do in "normal" life and they saw way more then that. This post in NO way is trying to make PTSD smaller then it is, I am trying to talk about a scale of mild to totally disabling. Each person's experiences are different and so is the aftermath.
As I thought more about that and reactions/feelings I saw that both Hubby and I have been dealing with issues that fall into that spectrum. I am blessed to be a part of a group on Facebook for PTSD support/learning. The lady who facilitates it has a wonderful understanding and a beautiful way of putting things into words to really uplifted and support. Reading other's challenges, has given me a clearer understanding and has helped me see how it affects those in my life.
Over the past five years both my husband and I went from working full time to be home full-time (still hoping I can get back to work). This transition has not been easy especially for him as he feels responsible for the family support. This transition has caused many PTSD symptoms and has taught us coping skills. overall I think we are handling our situation very well. But I wish I had learned more sooner.
As I look back over my life I can see several traumatic incidents, and after each incident I saw a change in myself. At the time I dealt with it, which was the best thing to do (sometimes it took many years to deal with but it has been done) but had I known more about PTSD even in my teens it would have better equipped me to deal with things in a timely fashion.
The biggest reason I wish I had learned more sooner is that it might have assisted with my ex-husband. He didn't like to think of it as PTSD so I never dove into it. He preferred survivor syndrome or something of that nature and I did do some looking into that but that was not as helpful to me, it might have been more helpful for him... I have no regrets as I did what I could but sometimes looking back you see what more you might have done.
Some things that PTSD can cause:
Feeling unloveable, worthless, not a "man" (breadwinner)
Acting out verbally, physically, and sexually (one of the biggest issues is cheating)
Depression, trouble sleeping, nightmares from hell, fatigue
Those with PTSD are often argumentative and seem to start something from nothing, but what their brains say they believe.. ie "you always treat me like a child" they feel like you are waiting on them hand and foot like you would a sick kid, so you must think they are like a kid. but in reality it is because they need X, Y and Z to stay calm so you just got those items for them without being asked. (btw this is not a real example)
Some tips for all of us caregivers, family or friends who want to stay in their lives:
Don't say like "it is all in your head", "I don't see anything wrong so you must be fine" or "you are not the person you used to be" anything along those lines. those with PTSD want to be the person they were before and most are working every day to be that person. This put down can set them back months
Don't let them get away with acting badly, but learn to remind without anger (this is something I am still learning..) and respond without anger when lashed out at ("inferred" or real)
Help where ever you can, even if that means going in the next room for a while so that calming down can happen faster.
Find ways to help them release the anger they feel at not being able to do the things they used to do, or for feeling that they are worthless/ unlovable
Find ways to release your own pain, you cannot be a caregiver (in any way not just PTSD) for long if you cannot have you time, and things that help you unwind. (My crafts are part of that for me, also computer games)
My 2 cents :)
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Pets
I know this does not hold true for everyone but for me pets are a life saver! Animals are little stress relievers, they love us no matter what mood we are in, and they know when we are down or sick. I am a cat lover, so they are my favorite. This week on my trip down memory lane I found some pictures of one of my cat's
I know that Smokey did not live as long as some cats do but he was an outdoor cat in Coyote country so he really did live a long life. I have a cat now who reminds me a lot of my Smokey, so I think of him often. I had him for about 5 years before we moved across country and I had to leave him. He would not have liked becoming an indoor cat (even if my dad had allowed it) and when I went away to college he would have been lonely.
 |
| Smokey as a kitten |
 |
| Smokey as an old man (about 8 years old) |
I will talk about animals in another post as I have done some work with a local no kill rescue. but for now I will introduce my cats (the ones living here now)
These are the 3 who sleep with me every night. in fact this was taken because I could not move one night :)
The Orange Tabby is Tigger, He came with my husband, and step kids. He is the Old man of the house at 16 years old. he is loosing his sight but overall is a happy cat. He sleeps more now then he used to (about 22-23 hours a day sometimes) He likes to be with the girls :) so he sleeps by my head most nights (I made a shelf with pillows for him)
This is my Lee, he is about 3 years old and a loving cat, shy and a frady cat like my Smokey. Also vocal, he likes to talk to us, esp the hour before feeding time. his markings are so cool he looks like a wild cat but he would never make it in that world. He is one of the kittens who had a really bad infection, but it did not slow his growth like it did some of the others.
This is Gemini (meaning Twin, as she has a sister who looks JUST like her, named Gemelli for the same meaning) But she answers to Baby also. She is technically my hubby's cat but she loves her mommy. she is also one of the kittens with the infection, she has been small her whole life, but in the last year has caught up :) She likes to sleep on clean clothes... esp when I don't want her to sleep on them.
This is my step-son's cat Scribbles, she is a almost 4 years old and full of life. She loves boxes and the laser light. she does not like the other cats much, so she tends to stay in my step-son's room more then coming out to play. But she is a loving cat and she loves her human!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Memories and Masks part 2
I shared the whole of what I wrote yesterday with my hubby and I decided to go ahead and post the life events... now this is the readers digest condensed version but these events are the ones that stand out the most to me as having a MAJOR intact on making me who I am today, I am still learning from the past as I see more with each passing year. I strive to learn from what has happened so that I can react better to what happens around me now.
This is expressed in a way that people who don't know me will have a hard time finding out the who and where, I also tried to share the way I see things now, so some bad things are put in a better light (part of that is also that I did not want to get into those, but not ignore that they were there) This is a little insight into me for those who wish to read it :)
The story goes like this:I am the daughter of a minister so I was seen as the example so I had to act right, proper, like a lady.. and so on. I was not an evil kid and I like to please people so I became to person that I "should be". I had a great childhood and I had friends, but about age 8 I started seeing that I was different then the image I "needed to portray" Yes, my little sister arriving had something to do with that but as much as we fought over the years, I love her LOTS and would not changed a thing about her. She taught me that I have a built in mothering instinct and I love to use it :) at this time most of my friends were not my age as I did not fit in with the girls (I was a tom boy) and the boys did not want me around most of the time, there were some that I was friends with but I did not get to see them as much. I also had some issues with the boys wanting me to do things that I did not want to do (yes, things that should not be..) thankfully my friends stood up for me and while the pressure was there still, the question was never asked again. So I started spending more time with my mom's friends and several other older people. I got vary close to one and while that was odd given the age difference and looking back I feel like I was a 3rd wheel most of the time, I also have loads of great, fun memories, and it was easy to say that there was someone watching the dating pair :) After they got married things changed, but not in a bad way. I was ecstatic to find out they were expecting! I saved all my allowance and got them a nice car seat, cause I wanted to give a gift, but also cause I wanted the little one to be safe (yes, I had my mom help me look up the safest models). I was so happy when she arrived, I loved that little one from the min. I knew she was on her way. but then when she was still a baby, they packed up and moved, at the time I was heartbroken, now I see the logic. We kept in touch here and there. I started feeling down more with them gone but I found another friend to help me (I tend to have 1 really close friend at a time, now I have a couple) but my life was about to change again. I found boys! they did not find me, so I was able to be friends with them better then most of the girls! I never told them that I liked them cause I just wanted to be close to them, to be on the "inside", getting info for the other girls. That method did not work... but that was ok with me. One of the guys I liked at this time had a girlfriend in a different state (or so he said) and I was able to spend more time with him for a few reasons. but I decided that he was not worthy of me when I saw the way he treated the kid brothers of another friend, I knew I wanted a guy that liked kids... this one did not! a few months later he tried something he should not have and I then despised him. That event sent me into a bad depression, I told no one for months about what happened not because I was ashamed but because of threats. that fall I found myself talking to someone about this person and she asked why I disliked him, I told her what happened and she told me he had tried something on her about a week after but she had not been threatened as there was no "need" in his eyes. I am thankful to a great friend who did everything she could to pull me from the grips of my depression, and little by little it worked, in a way... at home I did not change much still, but with time, and a piano to practice, I did. I started to excel in life again, I had friends my age, I was starting to really want to play the piano (meaning I practiced without being told, and many days 2 hours), and I started college at the local community college.Then my life changed again, we moved across the country and I went away to college... There I met my best friend of all time, and we are still trying to find out how we ever became friends, but we would not change it for anything. I also met the first man I would marry.. My first love... we spent many hours together and many hours apart with us in different states. I went across county again for school and he followed me when he was able, we then got married, and had lots of fun in the northwest. I then took him across the Rockies to see some family and we decided that side was where we wanted to be. We had been having some issues and I was hoping that moving would be a clean start, put the trouble behind us and move forward. So I found a job here and we moved. Sadly the trouble same along and things came to a breaking point in 2008 about 6 months before our 5 year anniversary. It broke my heart to tell him it is over, but I knew I could not be happy the way things were and after we had tried to work on them for several years the challenges were getting worse not better.. so I knew it was over...Yet another change... There was a guy at work who was a good friend, he was also leaving a relationship and we talked about it, (but only to each other as we did not want to be the people who spread rumors, even if we were just venting) I thought he was a cool guy but I would not even think about anything happening.. well, he had a truck and so I asked him to help move my Ex out of my place... so we talked for a while that evening and knew that we would give a relationship a try. we moved fast there is no doubt about that. But we had been talking at work for a year, so we had that background. I filed my divorce and it was final less then a month later.. just about that time my friend moved in with me and we were waiting on his divorce to be final (sadly that took a lot longer...) we got married about 2 weeks after his was final. we have now been together for almost 5 years..
This change gave me 3 step kids who I love. and all the challenges of being a step parent :) I told them from day one that I was not there to take their mother's place they had a mom, I was a bonus (or not sometimes if they were in trouble). This change has taught me more, and brought me more joy! We decided not to have any of our own (unless Mother Nature makes it so, when we are trying to prevent) because my step kids are of age and I helped raise my sister so I did not feel that I was missing out. But more importantly for health reasons, I would have to go off my arthritis meds, and with the spot in my lower back I would not be able to move my right leg without crippling pain. So I am waiting for Grand kids to love on (but I am not in a rush, being a grandmother in my 30's is a little young LOL)
This is expressed in a way that people who don't know me will have a hard time finding out the who and where, I also tried to share the way I see things now, so some bad things are put in a better light (part of that is also that I did not want to get into those, but not ignore that they were there) This is a little insight into me for those who wish to read it :)
The story goes like this:I am the daughter of a minister so I was seen as the example so I had to act right, proper, like a lady.. and so on. I was not an evil kid and I like to please people so I became to person that I "should be". I had a great childhood and I had friends, but about age 8 I started seeing that I was different then the image I "needed to portray" Yes, my little sister arriving had something to do with that but as much as we fought over the years, I love her LOTS and would not changed a thing about her. She taught me that I have a built in mothering instinct and I love to use it :) at this time most of my friends were not my age as I did not fit in with the girls (I was a tom boy) and the boys did not want me around most of the time, there were some that I was friends with but I did not get to see them as much. I also had some issues with the boys wanting me to do things that I did not want to do (yes, things that should not be..) thankfully my friends stood up for me and while the pressure was there still, the question was never asked again. So I started spending more time with my mom's friends and several other older people. I got vary close to one and while that was odd given the age difference and looking back I feel like I was a 3rd wheel most of the time, I also have loads of great, fun memories, and it was easy to say that there was someone watching the dating pair :) After they got married things changed, but not in a bad way. I was ecstatic to find out they were expecting! I saved all my allowance and got them a nice car seat, cause I wanted to give a gift, but also cause I wanted the little one to be safe (yes, I had my mom help me look up the safest models). I was so happy when she arrived, I loved that little one from the min. I knew she was on her way. but then when she was still a baby, they packed up and moved, at the time I was heartbroken, now I see the logic. We kept in touch here and there. I started feeling down more with them gone but I found another friend to help me (I tend to have 1 really close friend at a time, now I have a couple) but my life was about to change again. I found boys! they did not find me, so I was able to be friends with them better then most of the girls! I never told them that I liked them cause I just wanted to be close to them, to be on the "inside", getting info for the other girls. That method did not work... but that was ok with me. One of the guys I liked at this time had a girlfriend in a different state (or so he said) and I was able to spend more time with him for a few reasons. but I decided that he was not worthy of me when I saw the way he treated the kid brothers of another friend, I knew I wanted a guy that liked kids... this one did not! a few months later he tried something he should not have and I then despised him. That event sent me into a bad depression, I told no one for months about what happened not because I was ashamed but because of threats. that fall I found myself talking to someone about this person and she asked why I disliked him, I told her what happened and she told me he had tried something on her about a week after but she had not been threatened as there was no "need" in his eyes. I am thankful to a great friend who did everything she could to pull me from the grips of my depression, and little by little it worked, in a way... at home I did not change much still, but with time, and a piano to practice, I did. I started to excel in life again, I had friends my age, I was starting to really want to play the piano (meaning I practiced without being told, and many days 2 hours), and I started college at the local community college.Then my life changed again, we moved across the country and I went away to college... There I met my best friend of all time, and we are still trying to find out how we ever became friends, but we would not change it for anything. I also met the first man I would marry.. My first love... we spent many hours together and many hours apart with us in different states. I went across county again for school and he followed me when he was able, we then got married, and had lots of fun in the northwest. I then took him across the Rockies to see some family and we decided that side was where we wanted to be. We had been having some issues and I was hoping that moving would be a clean start, put the trouble behind us and move forward. So I found a job here and we moved. Sadly the trouble same along and things came to a breaking point in 2008 about 6 months before our 5 year anniversary. It broke my heart to tell him it is over, but I knew I could not be happy the way things were and after we had tried to work on them for several years the challenges were getting worse not better.. so I knew it was over...Yet another change... There was a guy at work who was a good friend, he was also leaving a relationship and we talked about it, (but only to each other as we did not want to be the people who spread rumors, even if we were just venting) I thought he was a cool guy but I would not even think about anything happening.. well, he had a truck and so I asked him to help move my Ex out of my place... so we talked for a while that evening and knew that we would give a relationship a try. we moved fast there is no doubt about that. But we had been talking at work for a year, so we had that background. I filed my divorce and it was final less then a month later.. just about that time my friend moved in with me and we were waiting on his divorce to be final (sadly that took a lot longer...) we got married about 2 weeks after his was final. we have now been together for almost 5 years..
This change gave me 3 step kids who I love. and all the challenges of being a step parent :) I told them from day one that I was not there to take their mother's place they had a mom, I was a bonus (or not sometimes if they were in trouble). This change has taught me more, and brought me more joy! We decided not to have any of our own (unless Mother Nature makes it so, when we are trying to prevent) because my step kids are of age and I helped raise my sister so I did not feel that I was missing out. But more importantly for health reasons, I would have to go off my arthritis meds, and with the spot in my lower back I would not be able to move my right leg without crippling pain. So I am waiting for Grand kids to love on (but I am not in a rush, being a grandmother in my 30's is a little young LOL)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Memories and Masks
This week has been full of emotion, I found that I had some things that needed dealing with. this came up when I found some friends who I have not had contact with for years. I was over joyed to find them again, but then I realized that I had hurt to deal with. I don't blame, there was reasons for losing touch... some of them on my side. But boy did I hurt not getting to know if they were safe, and how they were doing. Now that I have been dealing with that I started taking a walk down memory lane.
All the people that I know who I have not talked to for years, mostly because I am not the person they knew.
As things change so do we, In college I chose to start wearing jewelry, after many hours of bible study I decided that as long as it did not become a stumbling block for me then it was ok. I also have let myself fully drop the mask I starting wearing so many years ago. I let myself watch what I want, say what I want and eat what I want. But the Me that is now is so different from the mask, that many of my friends from years ago don't even know they know me when I see them. One person only knew because I was with my cousin, and they saw her more often.
I would love to reconnect with old friends, but I am not sure they would like the real me. So I am happy to know they are safe and will let them decide if they want to get to know the real me, I will friend them on social media so they can see me and I will talk to them but the ball is in their court. I am blessed with friends who like the real me so I am not without...
I wrote out my major life events and I have them saved, but I am not sure that I am ready to share that in full (I have left out names and places) so I will save it for another time.
All the people that I know who I have not talked to for years, mostly because I am not the person they knew.
As things change so do we, In college I chose to start wearing jewelry, after many hours of bible study I decided that as long as it did not become a stumbling block for me then it was ok. I also have let myself fully drop the mask I starting wearing so many years ago. I let myself watch what I want, say what I want and eat what I want. But the Me that is now is so different from the mask, that many of my friends from years ago don't even know they know me when I see them. One person only knew because I was with my cousin, and they saw her more often.
I would love to reconnect with old friends, but I am not sure they would like the real me. So I am happy to know they are safe and will let them decide if they want to get to know the real me, I will friend them on social media so they can see me and I will talk to them but the ball is in their court. I am blessed with friends who like the real me so I am not without...
I wrote out my major life events and I have them saved, but I am not sure that I am ready to share that in full (I have left out names and places) so I will save it for another time.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
update
I took a few months off as I had more health issues pop up... (oh the Joys!) I lasted 2 weeks back at work before the migraine took over my life. I call it the migraine as it lasted until Oct. it was there for about 1 week shy of 2 months. During that time we also had to move, the nice place that we had been living was sold and the new owners needed us (and our neighbors) out to replace the sewer lines to all 8 houses on the ally. So we fund a new place and love it here, the location is better, and the cost is a little cheaper (no issues with the cost of the elect!)
After that the youngest had another surgery :( this one healed faster! and just before it she found her first job!!! then her other half found a job!
I also had more health issues come up and sadly lost 15 lbs :( but I am learning to manage the food issues, so I am not loosing anymore (that I know of) But my job does not allow for the flexibility that I need now. In fact most do not, I am looking to see if I can find that rare job that does.. While I wait on that I have to continue to try working with the Short Term and Long Term Disability from my work to see if I can get a little money coming in.
Nov.was a eventful month as they (with my step-son's friend) found a place to call their's! I am so proud of them for getting out on their own and so far doing well at it :) they all 3 have jobs and are starting life out well.
My step-son is continuing to work on his H.S. diploma and is making progress on his goals
I have discovered Pinterest and am having fun with the craft/food/cleaning ideas I find there. I will be adding the results into my blog so that others will have the benefit of what I have learned.
After that the youngest had another surgery :( this one healed faster! and just before it she found her first job!!! then her other half found a job!
I also had more health issues come up and sadly lost 15 lbs :( but I am learning to manage the food issues, so I am not loosing anymore (that I know of) But my job does not allow for the flexibility that I need now. In fact most do not, I am looking to see if I can find that rare job that does.. While I wait on that I have to continue to try working with the Short Term and Long Term Disability from my work to see if I can get a little money coming in.
Nov.was a eventful month as they (with my step-son's friend) found a place to call their's! I am so proud of them for getting out on their own and so far doing well at it :) they all 3 have jobs and are starting life out well.
My step-son is continuing to work on his H.S. diploma and is making progress on his goals
I have discovered Pinterest and am having fun with the craft/food/cleaning ideas I find there. I will be adding the results into my blog so that others will have the benefit of what I have learned.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Why and about me
After the past few years and the curve balls life has thrown my and my family. I thought that it was time to start sharing some of the things I have learned :) But first a little about yours truly and the family. I am a married step-mom of 3 and Love it! No one said that being a step parent was easy but it has many rewarding moments.
My Family
My Husband is unable to work as he has an unknown neurological disorder, the Dr is classifying it as Fibromyalgia as it does fit there 100%, but the Dr thinks there is more to it and I agree, we just cannot find it. My husband lives in never ending nerve pain. medication helps but causes as many issues as it fixes (or more) He does what he can around the house and mentally supports me.
My eldest step daughter (21) is out on her own and handling it well :) I wish that her moving out was better timed but other factors messed that up (we had to move, and could not find a place in our budget with the right # of bedrooms)
My step son (20) is learning how to get a job and be an adult right now, not an easy time for him, but we are doing everything we can to help him (even if that means tough love sometimes). His best friend is staying here more then his home right now due to issues there, so that makes his bedroom TIGHT and tempers can flare for little to no reason (I guess this goes for all of us most of time time right now...)
My youngest step daughter (18) is just starting to look for her first job and has a plan in place to save $ so she and her other half can move out on their own. He also lives with us due to family issues (nothing major just the squabbling that is normal, but can be fixed by removing the new adult :)
Me :)
I have had the nickname smiles as I use them a lot in communication. I tend to be a happy person but that is the outside me, inside I struggle with depression on a daily basis (HUGE thanks to my social worker/counselor Sharon who taught me how to deal with this, or I would be in a mental institution by now LOL) I am finding out how strong I am and am thankful for all my life's lessons I have learned. I cannot say that I have any regrets about my life. This is my second marriage and the first taught me loads! I am a better person now and I hope that he is also (I have not talked with him in any way for a long time) I love to game yes, a girl gamer. pc mostly but I do have a play station so I can play with the kids sometimes, I only own one game for it right now. My current games of choice are Diablo 3 and Sims 3, for the past 2 1/2 months Sims3 with cheats was the only game I could play, I can play Diablo 3 in short segments now (about 45 min is my tops right now). I also love to crochet and have 6 baby blankets to donate to the local children's hospital this holiday season. Other then that work and home are my life, I work full time and have cooking duty most nights (nights that I work I don't do the dishes one of the kids does) I cannot say we do a lot of cleaning but we try to keep the house passable.
In the last year we have had 4 surgery's (yes, four!) My husband had his knee scoped about July last year, found out that he has some nasty arthritis on the underside of his patella, the dr removed some of the build up and that has helped a little with the pain but mostly the locking up (it would lock and he could not bend it without MAJOR pain) then in December the youngest was having major abdominal pain and we found out that she had a cyst on her spleen so it had to come out (it was about 3 time normal size and weighed about 5 lbs) that was the worst one as she spent 2 1/2 days in the hospital, she now has a nice scar running down her tummy almost to her belly button (we call the scar the exclamation mark) it is about 4 1/2- 5 inches... but she is getting better (it had been pushing on her tummy and making it hard to eat, so she is having to re-train her body). Her healing has been a long road but then again it was a long road getting there, we think that it had been growing for about 4-6 years. The dr did not agree but did not dis-agree... the scar tissue has given her some issues (searing pain anyone?, but thankfully are getting better).Then this July I had eye surgery to re-fix an issue I was born with (my eyes were crossed, so at 9 months old they cut and moved the muscles so I could see normally, this time it was a different set of muscles but that is normal) so I am just getting back to work this coming Friday after not being there for over 2 months (still having issues reading a computer but that is part of why I started this blog to work my eyes) then just last week the eldest had to have her appendix out! Thankfully hers was able to be done laparoscopicly, so she went back to work Sunday (I am still impressed! when I saw her Fri evening she was in the end of the first 48 hours after and was about to fall asleep standing up, but her incisions looked good no red) . I got my money's worth from the insurance company (sorry guys but this is life some times)
The main reason I wanted a blog was to share my money saving tips and how to cut corners without feeling so strapped. I am currently feeding 5-7 people a night so I plan on 6 every night. and I do it all on bout $100 a week or $400 a month! we usually have leftovers or sandwiches for lunch (fend for yourself) as we have dinner as a family (for the most part) breakfast is cereal and milk simple but good for you. I will get into that more next post this one is already way to long :)
My Family
My Husband is unable to work as he has an unknown neurological disorder, the Dr is classifying it as Fibromyalgia as it does fit there 100%, but the Dr thinks there is more to it and I agree, we just cannot find it. My husband lives in never ending nerve pain. medication helps but causes as many issues as it fixes (or more) He does what he can around the house and mentally supports me.
My eldest step daughter (21) is out on her own and handling it well :) I wish that her moving out was better timed but other factors messed that up (we had to move, and could not find a place in our budget with the right # of bedrooms)
My step son (20) is learning how to get a job and be an adult right now, not an easy time for him, but we are doing everything we can to help him (even if that means tough love sometimes). His best friend is staying here more then his home right now due to issues there, so that makes his bedroom TIGHT and tempers can flare for little to no reason (I guess this goes for all of us most of time time right now...)
My youngest step daughter (18) is just starting to look for her first job and has a plan in place to save $ so she and her other half can move out on their own. He also lives with us due to family issues (nothing major just the squabbling that is normal, but can be fixed by removing the new adult :)
Me :)
I have had the nickname smiles as I use them a lot in communication. I tend to be a happy person but that is the outside me, inside I struggle with depression on a daily basis (HUGE thanks to my social worker/counselor Sharon who taught me how to deal with this, or I would be in a mental institution by now LOL) I am finding out how strong I am and am thankful for all my life's lessons I have learned. I cannot say that I have any regrets about my life. This is my second marriage and the first taught me loads! I am a better person now and I hope that he is also (I have not talked with him in any way for a long time) I love to game yes, a girl gamer. pc mostly but I do have a play station so I can play with the kids sometimes, I only own one game for it right now. My current games of choice are Diablo 3 and Sims 3, for the past 2 1/2 months Sims3 with cheats was the only game I could play, I can play Diablo 3 in short segments now (about 45 min is my tops right now). I also love to crochet and have 6 baby blankets to donate to the local children's hospital this holiday season. Other then that work and home are my life, I work full time and have cooking duty most nights (nights that I work I don't do the dishes one of the kids does) I cannot say we do a lot of cleaning but we try to keep the house passable.
In the last year we have had 4 surgery's (yes, four!) My husband had his knee scoped about July last year, found out that he has some nasty arthritis on the underside of his patella, the dr removed some of the build up and that has helped a little with the pain but mostly the locking up (it would lock and he could not bend it without MAJOR pain) then in December the youngest was having major abdominal pain and we found out that she had a cyst on her spleen so it had to come out (it was about 3 time normal size and weighed about 5 lbs) that was the worst one as she spent 2 1/2 days in the hospital, she now has a nice scar running down her tummy almost to her belly button (we call the scar the exclamation mark) it is about 4 1/2- 5 inches... but she is getting better (it had been pushing on her tummy and making it hard to eat, so she is having to re-train her body). Her healing has been a long road but then again it was a long road getting there, we think that it had been growing for about 4-6 years. The dr did not agree but did not dis-agree... the scar tissue has given her some issues (searing pain anyone?, but thankfully are getting better).Then this July I had eye surgery to re-fix an issue I was born with (my eyes were crossed, so at 9 months old they cut and moved the muscles so I could see normally, this time it was a different set of muscles but that is normal) so I am just getting back to work this coming Friday after not being there for over 2 months (still having issues reading a computer but that is part of why I started this blog to work my eyes) then just last week the eldest had to have her appendix out! Thankfully hers was able to be done laparoscopicly, so she went back to work Sunday (I am still impressed! when I saw her Fri evening she was in the end of the first 48 hours after and was about to fall asleep standing up, but her incisions looked good no red) . I got my money's worth from the insurance company (sorry guys but this is life some times)
The main reason I wanted a blog was to share my money saving tips and how to cut corners without feeling so strapped. I am currently feeding 5-7 people a night so I plan on 6 every night. and I do it all on bout $100 a week or $400 a month! we usually have leftovers or sandwiches for lunch (fend for yourself) as we have dinner as a family (for the most part) breakfast is cereal and milk simple but good for you. I will get into that more next post this one is already way to long :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)