Interesting weekend experience

So this weekend we had a craft fair, LONG day for us as we were in charge of the fair and all the drama that goes along with that..
By the end of the day I had nothing left and yet I still felt like I needed to make sure that everyone there was good and spend some time talking to some that I had not yet that day...
So Lisa and I head over to one Gal.. I had met her when she paid for her booth and I felt like I knew her but could not place where.. she looked super tired and as we talked we found out she was running on almost no sleep and was warn out.. As we talked she shared a story about her kids and having to report a case of child abuse and the pain that caused the whole family. Given the history of our upbringing both Lisa and I understand that. As we talked she mentioned how she had stopped going to church for a long time over the issue (the elders in the church would not report it to the state and the rift that caused) She gave me the standard you need to come back to God talk, and told me to watch out that I avoid witchcraft... She then preceded to do something that many in her church would see as witchcraft (having been a part of that church and having the gifts we do, we have both had challenges in understanding ourselves) Normally when someone tries to read me I put up walls to make it harder, this time I did not and it shocked her I think as she was hesitant to share what she was able to read, and was shocked when I told her that my father was a pastor.. I then found out she knows my mom's family and was involved with a summer camp that I will miss for all time, mostly because of the land that I loved!
I understand the struggle she has to be herself and yet be what the church wants.. That is the reason I moved on, after years of study and feeling like I could never be good enough I knew my leaving would hurt some of my family deeply, but I had to do it for me. I had to be me without always feeling like I am not good enough.. Sadly thanks to the years of having that shoved in my face I am still dealing with it every day.... but the last 3 years or so I have made more progress then in the 30+ years before. I am starting to do the work on me that I needed to do 20 years ago... that will make me a stronger woman and a better person..

Memories..

I am in the process of scanning a bunch of pictures for a holiday project, I am remembering so many things from the times the pictures were taken and the ages of us kids (including my step siblings)

it got me thinking about all the little things we say and do over the years. How we become one large family.
It was over 15 years ago I knew my parents were not ment to be. It was Christmas time that my mom finally told him she had reached the end of her rope. For several years I dreaded this time of year, it had been my favorite before that. but that was a black cloud. Then I learned a few things. I gained a step mom who I call Mama, and saw how hard it was for her. Back then I was not mean to be mean, but I was mean to her in other ways, it took me years to see that.
Now when I talk to my mom I see that she has always cared about my dad but not in a romantic way. she knew that her leaving him would be a good thing for him. she was right.
Mama brings out a side of dad I had never seen, they act like a couple should..

I got a chance to really see them in action this month. My dad is in the hospital and Mama is by his side all day every day!
I have seen her argue with doctors and nurses to get him the care he needs and I have seen her lovingly try to help anyway she can.
I remembered why we are a family, because we love each other and never give up.
Seeing Mama take care of dad is a sight I never thought about, and in years past I would have been jealous, as that was always my role. but this time I am not and I am glad she is there to do it. I wish I could be a bigger help to her.

I am glad that I have mama in my life, not only is my dad happier then I ever remember him being in the years before she came around, but I gained 4 siblings that I love very much!

Examining the power of a gift

The last few weeks have been full of all kinds of things around here and one is some legal actions that are being dealt with. To combat the negative energy and the over all sadness that comes with that. Lisa and I employed the power of the homemade gift.
We put careful thought into all parts of this gift and it all has power and meaning.

Each of the charms was picked with the recipient in mind, She is the Queen of our "family" so the crown. A Key (many meanings here) she holds the key to her man's heart, there is a door she will find it, she is the woman of the house, and again the crown on top for her role. The last is a shamrock, 4 leaf clover is always good luck, but also is a sly token to the old ways that we follow. Even to clasp being a heart was for a reason, so she knows she is in our hearts at all times.
Each stone is there for a reason, protection, health, justice, better communication (due to reasons beyond her control, she has not had much communication with her man), strength, and clearness of thought... several stones are also gifts from other people those stones are fully charged and cleansed, that adds even more power to them.
After we finished making it we took it out to the fire and used smoke to cleanse and purify it, while asking for specific intentions to be clear, and for the stones to be free to work as they should with help from above.
Wisdom, Justice, and Comfort were some of the things we asked for. While we give this gift tomorrow (today when this is published) may the recipient know every time she sees it and wears it, that we have her back, and she is family.

Food Traditions

I have so many traditions with the holidays, and this year I wanted to do something special for my step-kids who do not live with us. I have been taught their dad's lasagna (he still checks every batch to make sure I am on track) and I froze one for each of the kids not living with us... well that got me thinking about the need to put it down on paper and so this is the start... I cannot give out the sauce part as that is the family secret (but I have passed it on to the kids)

Dad’s Lasagna (makes 2 pans)

Triple batch Mom Bronson’s pasta sauce (this is a meat sauce)

Large container Ricotta Cheese

2 lbs Mozzarella

1 can grated Parmesan (you might not need it all)

1 large box lasagna noodles

1 box chopped spinach (optional)

Cook noodles, drain and rinse with cold water (place in cold water so they do not stick, I use the pot)

Mix Ricotta and spinach

Place mozzarella in freezer for 45 min then grate (much easier to grate, you can use a food processor for this as size and shape does not matter so much)

Assembly:

Start with a about 1 cup of sauce in the bottom then a layer of noodles (most dishes take 3 across)

Top with ricotta mixture, grated mozzarella and some parmesan then more sauce (about 2-3 cups)

Repeat 2 more times on the top of the last sauce add more mozzarella and parmesan.

Cooking:

Heat in the oven at 350 degrees for 45 min – 1 hour, until the top is brown and the sauce bubbly (it is a good idea to place on a cookie sheet or line the oven when cooking)

If frozen allow to thaw as much as possible then add 30 min- 1 hour to cooking time if still frozen at all.    

At my house we always made gluten stakes for holidays (as growing up I did not eat meat) and I still love them. and we all had a little different way of making them but the memories of cooking with my mom are great!

I also have a wonderful cookie from my Ex mother in law (still love them, no ill feelings on my end) but I did not get to making that this year (I forgot until to late, as they need to sit for 6 weeks) sorry I do not have permission to pass that one on :) but I will say that I have given it to the my step-kids.

My step kids have also given some to me, they shared their grandmother's brownies (the best out there and simple!!!) and other traditions like having stew on Halloween (and their Grandmother's recipe for stew!) but again I do not share what I do not have permission to. What I did with those was make sure they are on the computer and I wish to make a book out of them for the kids at some point (even if I print it simple)  

Bampa

This past Halloween my Grandfather aka Bampa passed away. I knew that his passing would hit me even if in many ways I had grieved for him already. It still has not hit but I know it will and I am not trying to stop it or ignore it.
Part of my writing this is to maybe get that rolling, as I know it needs to.
I wanted to not focus on the last years of his life when he did not know anyone but rather remember the good times.
He is my first grand parent to pass so in that I am vary lucky. He was almost 83 I believe (I could be a year off)

He always had a candy bar somewhere (that G'ma aka Bobbi did not know about) and if I asked nicely I could get him to share it with me (as long as my dad and Bobbi did not know about it) I always seems to find them (he never did find out how I did that, I was a snoopy kid and would look, but most of the time he was right here when I did it so it was not like I was hiding it)

He loved to watch TV, I remember when he came to visit one time eating pizza and watching TV (and playing Sonic) at Aunt Tina's house. Things I did not get to do at home.

I loved hearing him sing, he did not like his voice but I did, now that I have had something happen to mine I understand his dislike of his, cause it was not what it had been before, but I did not know it before and I liked it just the way it was.

I remember that he let my little sister (who was really little at the time) pick out the dishes he got when he moved back to UT before Bobbi (she had to finish the school year, teaching)

I remember his love of raw potatoes (one he passed down to me, odd I know but memories now)

I remember how loving he was in his own way, kind and loved to spoil us.

I remember his love for buying in bulk to get a better price (even if he only needed one like the honey severs, he got a gross <144> and everyone had them and there were still leftovers)

I remember his love for pens, he always had lots of different ones (another thing I got from him)

I remember that he was a Notary, and when my dad had to take his seal back to the police office (when my grandparents got divorced he left it so my dad needed to turn it in)

Most important I will always remember his hugs.

RIP Bampa, until we meet again.