Food Traditions

I have so many traditions with the holidays, and this year I wanted to do something special for my step-kids who do not live with us. I have been taught their dad's lasagna (he still checks every batch to make sure I am on track) and I froze one for each of the kids not living with us... well that got me thinking about the need to put it down on paper and so this is the start... I cannot give out the sauce part as that is the family secret (but I have passed it on to the kids)

Dad’s Lasagna (makes 2 pans)

Triple batch Mom Bronson’s pasta sauce (this is a meat sauce)

Large container Ricotta Cheese

2 lbs Mozzarella

1 can grated Parmesan (you might not need it all)

1 large box lasagna noodles

1 box chopped spinach (optional)

Cook noodles, drain and rinse with cold water (place in cold water so they do not stick, I use the pot)

Mix Ricotta and spinach

Place mozzarella in freezer for 45 min then grate (much easier to grate, you can use a food processor for this as size and shape does not matter so much)

Assembly:

Start with a about 1 cup of sauce in the bottom then a layer of noodles (most dishes take 3 across)

Top with ricotta mixture, grated mozzarella and some parmesan then more sauce (about 2-3 cups)

Repeat 2 more times on the top of the last sauce add more mozzarella and parmesan.

Cooking:

Heat in the oven at 350 degrees for 45 min – 1 hour, until the top is brown and the sauce bubbly (it is a good idea to place on a cookie sheet or line the oven when cooking)

If frozen allow to thaw as much as possible then add 30 min- 1 hour to cooking time if still frozen at all.    

At my house we always made gluten stakes for holidays (as growing up I did not eat meat) and I still love them. and we all had a little different way of making them but the memories of cooking with my mom are great!

I also have a wonderful cookie from my Ex mother in law (still love them, no ill feelings on my end) but I did not get to making that this year (I forgot until to late, as they need to sit for 6 weeks) sorry I do not have permission to pass that one on :) but I will say that I have given it to the my step-kids.

My step kids have also given some to me, they shared their grandmother's brownies (the best out there and simple!!!) and other traditions like having stew on Halloween (and their Grandmother's recipe for stew!) but again I do not share what I do not have permission to. What I did with those was make sure they are on the computer and I wish to make a book out of them for the kids at some point (even if I print it simple)  

homemade laundry soap version 2.0

I really liked the soap I made and it worked really well... but then we got a new washer and it has this function to make the soap foamy so I wanted to try liquid soap... so I went hunting again and found that what I had could be dissolved, as I went about making up 2 gal. worth I found out that was a MESSY undertaking!! would not recommend it! it still worked well but I was noticing that the washer was getting a film on the inside, so I ran some bleach in it and that cleaned it up.. but I learned that the sent crystals I had used in the powder were wax and were leaving that film (I was not so happy about that) so I went back to my favorite place Pinterest and found a liquid no grate formula. I then made it mine by concentrating it so I did not have to use 1/2 to a cup but rather 1/8 to 1/4 cup

3/4 cup washing soda
3/4 cup borax
1/3-1/2 cup Dr Bonner's liquid soap (I used lavender) adjust as needed..

In a cheap pot (I have one I do not use for cooking, only this kind of thing) I put 6 cups water and the washing soda and borax. I then heated until just below boiling and turned off and added the liquid soap.
Let sit until you know it will not melt your container(s) then add 4 cups to the bottom of each gal. container then slowly fill with water. (I have a fridge water container that holds 2 1/2 gal. so when I get low I can make 2 gal and fill it) This one you can do without a pot just hot water if you want :)

This seems to work even better then the other and is cheaper! even using the Dr Bonner's, I spend about $16 total on the items and have made 4 gal. so far all items have enough to make at least that much more and the Dr. Bonner's 2x that (I got a 32 oz bottle on sale for $10)

I am ok using the borax in liquid form because it only causes breathing issues when in powder form, so the box is kept well away from the pets and humans to be safe.


 

Update on the eyes....

I had my follow up appointment with the eye dr. this week and it was a day! but all that aside we have 2 main options...
1) surgery again (no insurance for that right now, but after I get on medicare they will cover that one)

2) prisms in my glasses (did not even ask how much that would cost!)

so we were talking about the insurance issues and he mentioned that there is a stick on prism that they can put on my current glasses that is affordable ($30) and will let us know if that really is a good idea for the long run.
So we did it and I get to start wearing the "new" glasses today (ok, I should have started today but I was lazy and they did tell me to let it cure for 24-48 hours, in a safe place not in the case, and they did not get to that until almost 11pm Thursday night)
I have to clean them in a different way now (to avoid removing the stick on) and it will make the vision a little blurry with that eye (ok, so it will just match my contact with that eye lol)
But I got some good information from the lady who put it on, she said my rimless frames is not an option with an in lens prism (they are to thick and the pins for the rimless are not long enough). so I mentioned to her my idea of vision correction to lighten my lenses then maybe I could do the rimless or another really lightweight frame.. she thought it was a great idea. I did tell her I had no notion that it would give me 20/20 vision as my eyes are so bad but if we can make it medically needed, as it is less invasive as the surgery I had 7/12, so my body might tolerate it better.... for now that is just an idea but one I like :)

Thankful November....

I see on Facebook all the posts where people are saying they are thankful for this and that. and while I have never done the daily posting like many I usually think about it most the month.
This year has been hard for me, looking back I thought last year was hard and in ways it was but this year is teaching me more and those lessons seem to be harder for me to learn.
So I am struggling with being positive this month but I am struggling, meaning I have not given up. I do not plan on giving up. I am a fighter and while I might take longer then I like to learn my lessons I will learn them!!!
I look back and in the last year I have learned a lot about me and who I am, what I have to offer the world and my friends and how to use it better. I still have a lot more learning to go but I feel like I am starting to trust in myself more now than ever before. I do not tend to share much about that as some people feel differently about it and out of respect for them I do not want to share it. but I am working on a writing project about it (it is on the back burner right now to another project).

Looking forward the next few months hold many challenges, decisions that have to be made, about where to live when the lease is up, how to afford a place, lots of things there, but I have guides to help me and I am sure that the right path will be shown me. even if it is not the path I want... I trust that I cannot plan every detail and that I must go with the flow but I will do my best to prepare for every path I can see so I have as much done before as I can.
 I thought I would share a video of one of my furry friends who keep me company and loves on me when I am down.. This one is special cause he is about 17 and playing like a kitten here, with my knee brace LOL, I think it got catnip on it somehow..

Bampa

This past Halloween my Grandfather aka Bampa passed away. I knew that his passing would hit me even if in many ways I had grieved for him already. It still has not hit but I know it will and I am not trying to stop it or ignore it.
Part of my writing this is to maybe get that rolling, as I know it needs to.
I wanted to not focus on the last years of his life when he did not know anyone but rather remember the good times.
He is my first grand parent to pass so in that I am vary lucky. He was almost 83 I believe (I could be a year off)

He always had a candy bar somewhere (that G'ma aka Bobbi did not know about) and if I asked nicely I could get him to share it with me (as long as my dad and Bobbi did not know about it) I always seems to find them (he never did find out how I did that, I was a snoopy kid and would look, but most of the time he was right here when I did it so it was not like I was hiding it)

He loved to watch TV, I remember when he came to visit one time eating pizza and watching TV (and playing Sonic) at Aunt Tina's house. Things I did not get to do at home.

I loved hearing him sing, he did not like his voice but I did, now that I have had something happen to mine I understand his dislike of his, cause it was not what it had been before, but I did not know it before and I liked it just the way it was.

I remember that he let my little sister (who was really little at the time) pick out the dishes he got when he moved back to UT before Bobbi (she had to finish the school year, teaching)

I remember his love of raw potatoes (one he passed down to me, odd I know but memories now)

I remember how loving he was in his own way, kind and loved to spoil us.

I remember his love for buying in bulk to get a better price (even if he only needed one like the honey severs, he got a gross <144> and everyone had them and there were still leftovers)

I remember his love for pens, he always had lots of different ones (another thing I got from him)

I remember that he was a Notary, and when my dad had to take his seal back to the police office (when my grandparents got divorced he left it so my dad needed to turn it in)

Most important I will always remember his hugs.

RIP Bampa, until we meet again.

New project

I have been working one a new project... this one on the computer.. a writing project about my life with Fbyro and some ways to explain it to others. Today I was working on my typical day and decided that I needed to detail out 3 kinds of days a typical day, a good day and a BAD day... well the bad day one cracked me up so I thought I would share it here... while I did combine days for the examples the fatigue lvl is correct.

Bad day: mumble to hubby as he gets up to please feed cat, roll over. Wish I had enough energy to eat. Grab the flat soda on the night stand, almost drop it, manage to spill it on the bed. Grab the towel by the bed for this reason place under me as I am not moving. Day creeps on… nap on and off, is it bed time yet??? I need to eat… hubby offers to bring me the food he is making, only he forgot what he is making upsets my tummy, ask for pasta (it always goes down) make a mess of my shirt with pasta. Oh well no shower tonight, I hope I can get out of bed tomorrow. Crawl to feed elderly cat, then back to bed for the night. Now I am awake… listen to audio book for hours until I finally get to sleep.

I love this pain scale, for fybro I have a HIGH pain tolerance (not normal) but that means that when I say I am at a 5, I am putting it against the worst pain I have ever had that really fits the top of this scale. I have been at a 2-3 daily for 13 years then when the fybro hit 3 is a GOOD number I can function with that (as long as my joints are not stiff, and the fatigue is low) I can keep to a 3 most of the time if I do nothing but sit on a heating pad, but then I cannot function cause as soon as I get up the pain goes up. silly nerves :(

eyes... again...

I have know for a while that my eyes have been going down a road that I did not want them to again, after I had surgery 15 months ago I thought I should be good for another 10 years at least... but NO... went to the eye dr yesterday and it looks like my options are surgery again or glasses full time (they have ways with glasses to help that they cannot with contacts <sad face>) but I also have a minor infection so we are clearing that up before we look at what my eyes are really seeing and therefor what the options are... all when I have insurance that pays out NOTHING for glasses and contacts, and nothing for surgery... so it is gonna have to wait somehow anyway... and hopefully I get disability soon, then I can have medicaid and they will do more (not any thing on glasses or contacts but they will help with surgery at least if we decided that was the best option) I am gonna research and have a list of questions for the Dr next visit keeping in mind what he has told us so far. I went to a different Dr cause the other one seemed to blow me off, I think that he felt I was being a pain but I was only being honest and I know my body much better then he knows it from seeing me what a total of 6 times in 4 months or something like that.. But this Dr did all the measuring himself rather then having anther person do it and he spent more time looking at my eyes then any eye Dr has yet so that makes me feel good, he also has a better way with us. he knows the other Dr well and has never heard bad things about him but we just did not click... and I think it was that I knew something was still wrong and he did not believe me so he brushed me off, and I do not like being treated like that. until I started seeing my primary care Dr almost all the Dr's I have seen have done that with at least something I have told them. and sure enough I am right my eyes are doing the same thing they were before and one is starting to do something different also... grrrrr  What I have with my eyes is called strabisimus, I have had it from birth. but we thought my first surgery at 9 months was to fix it for good, little did we know that it often needs done again in life and often every 10-15 years... I went 31 years the first time so that I cannot complain about :)

Fybro Fight...

Last Friday I got my 2nd denial from Social security for disability benefits, while some might see it as discouraging I see it as encouraging because I was expecting 3 before I get benefits. This time they said that they can see that it has effected what I can do, I might not be able to do what I could before but I should be able to work some at lease.. HAHA! I emailed my lawyer from my bed as I have been here for the last 10 days now with the heating pad and the bed as the only relief I seem to get from hip/leg pain (and major sound/light sensitivity issues, so I can keep it darker and quieter)
I told my lawyer that if they (SS) could find me a job that I could do and paid enough to keep the basic bills paid I would gladly take it but even the state office the does food stamps did not want to try, they wanted a letter from my Dr to use as an exemption for me from the able bodied adults job program that you are required to participate in if you are on food stamps or financial assistance.
I have found several great groups on Facebook that are for Fybro and am learning that many of my odd little things many of us have, things that I thought were just me for years, even if the fatigue, over all pain, and IBS issues only set in a year ago. I have had little things for years back to my teens for sure and I think vary early on, but I was lucky enough to be healthy and my body did not let the worst come to the top until my surgery a year ago July, it built from July until Oct when it hit like a ton of bricks.
I read a story where a person explained being sick with lupus to someone with spoons (look up spoon theory, or check out my Facebook I linked it there) and I think while sad, it is soo true. I have to decide if I have the energy to do all I want to in a day and if I do all I want will it effect tomorrow's energy lvl?
Hubby had his monthly Dr visit today and then we had a little shopping to do and by the end of it we had been out 8 hours and I am spent. but I have things that I have to do tomorrow and Sat, then Mon,Tue and Wed next week.... so I will rest when I can and hope for good sleep (another nasty issue, trouble sleeping due to pain or other little things like temperature regulation, or random little noises)
I might be sick and not look it when people see me, but I learned to hide the pain a long time ago. People do not like to see others in pain so I hide it a lot when I am out and about. But I am not the person I was before and I WISH I was, I would love to work, rather then be home all the time. People think that being home all day is fun... they are wrong!!! Imagine having a nasty cold and being stuck in bed. well that is what it is like most of the time. just different symptoms and reasons, but not being able to do what you want and need to do cause the body says NO! not being able to go out and see friends or go to parties (huge energy drain, not even worth it 99% of the time)...
I hope to feel better, but will do the best I can each day with what I have that day :)

Potato Leek Soup

Potato Leek Soup

10 lbs potatoes

2-3 leeks 

¼ cup sour cream (to taste)  soymilk, or a soy sour cream can be used.

Olive oil, Butter, Salt, and pepper to taste

Cut leeks into rings or half moons (about 1/8 inch thick give or take)  then wash in cold water to remove dirt. Put into large pot with some olive oil, butter or some of both sauté until dark green and limp. 

Peel potatoes and cut into ¼ inch pieces. When leeks are done place potatoes in the pot, cover with water and bring to a boil.

Boil stirring occasionally for about 2 hours (until leeks are falling apart). Then use an electric mixer (my immersion blender works great) or potato masher to break potatoes into soup. Then add salt, pepper and sour cream.

Serve with any or all : bacon bits, cheddar cheese, French bread

Enjoy and feel free to freeze any leftovers it makes a great fast meal later. 

When re heating from frozen add a just a little water to the pot and heat slowly, after it comes to a boil heat a couple more min (it will re combine it, and loose the grainy look).

This is a favorite at my house and I can make it in large batches so I spend one afternoon cooking for 4-5 meals. I like that kind of cooking <grin>

More smelly things :)

I used a recipe that I found on Pinterest to make homemade air fresheners, simple : gelatin, water, salt, and essential oils. I used less water than the gelatin calls for (as the recipes all say) and tried 3 different oils and one flavoring oil. I found that the tee tree oil is the strongest at odor removal, but Lavender is the best smelling. Peppermint is not great, but not bad, and the flavoring oil did nothing... I also used a little food coloring to let me know what jar was what oil.
I used several sizes to see what worked best and found that the size of the container does not really matter. when I make them again I am going to use a little more water as they all had issues with a film that covered the top and then they did not work as well, they also molded but not bad, so maybe a little more salt also.
they work like the cone ones that desolve in a way, the one in the bathroom did wonders! 4-6 ounce seems to be about the best size for me. I use baby food jars and they work great (I use the baby food for the old cat, he eats better with a little added)
after more tests I might be giving some for x-mas :) we can all use pet safe air fresheners :)

Mother's Day project (late post)

I have started to finish the mother's day gifts... in fact I have given some of them :) I knew that I did not have much to work with in the money department so I wanted a homemade option.. but it had to be useful. I found a pattern for a quilt block and thought it would make a great pot holder and I knew that my grandmother had a wall that she likes to put them up on so I thought that would be a good idea. I made 4 of them (2 for Grandma and 2 for my mom) sadly I was in a rush to deliver them, ok to remember to take them when I went to visit. so I forgot to take picts of them :( but they are cute.. not as nice as I had hoped but not bad at all for a first time quilter. I am working on 2 more larger ones to use more for decoration or on the table and I will try to remember to take picts of those :) I also made some towel holders for them... just a little way to say that I care and remember even if I do not have the ability to do something grand. I have been schooled to think that something homemade with the person in mind is better than a gift that was just grabbed off the shelf.

over a month later....
A little late in posting this... but I have not been able to finish the larger ones as my sewing room is a bedroom again (not upset about that I have plenty of projects to keep me busy :)

Testing homemade kitchen scrubbers

I saw on Pinterest that people were making kitchen scrubbers from netting/ tulle. I thought it would be a great idea and so I picked up some from the remnants bin at walmart of all places (hey it was cheap and for a test I thought .75 cents was better then 1.50

I rolled it up and cut into 2 inch wide strips (I found that was easier then trying measure and use the rotary cutter) I then knotted the strips together. I then sat down with the picture (I am not good at following instructions) and got to work. I used my largest crochet hook, and started by using single crochet but after that did not look that great I made a 2nd using double crochet. It came out better but then I got an idea and made one that fits over 2 fingers.

3rd, 1st, 2nd

I have used them for a few weeks now and they are not as good as the ones you can buy, but I think that a larger tulle would make a better scrubber. they are great for delicate items and the one that fits over my fingers is great for a gentle face scrub (I would not use it every day but once in a while as needed) The one that used the double crochet is better, as the photo shows it has less open space. They do curve a little but that is ok for using them.

I would not rely on these in the kitchen but I am not sorry I have them, and I think I will keep one in the kitchen from now on.

so many projects at once

I think I am nuts for the number of projects I have going at one time...
I have the 2 tests in progress (both of them do not take time on my part, I did what I needed to do to get it started, one is about time, one about usefulness)
Then I have 2 sewing projects in progress, one is the 2nd quilt (see quilting post) and the other is the un named mother's day gift. that one is much closer to done, only one more sewing day to finish it. I usually sew for 1-2 hours on a day then my body says time out no more bending over the machine..
I also have 2 crocheting projects in the works (one is with scraps so it is not a main project) But there are days I cannot crochet (thanks hands for hurting when I have other plans)
so I am not able to have just one project in the works, I need projects that I can do while sitting, standing, and even laying down if I am having a really bad day..

Oh and I am in the planning stages of several more projects... One will be done this week, results will be posted in a few weeks (testing time, cannot post about something until it has been put threw the paces)


On a "fun" note my washer decided to start making odd noises and walking across the floor like it has never done before :( we found a repairman that would talk to us over the phone and he is almost 100% on what is going (it is only a $50 part but it can take 2-4 hours to replace, and the chances of another piece needed replaced is high, that part is $200 he said that the parts often break at the same time..) so after adding up the cost to fix it seems better to replace it, it had a good life,10 years and 4 moves. the last move it did not like and it gave us trouble for a week after that, and the main knob is having issues also (on the inside, but it does not happen all the time) If my dad was here to fix it it would be better to keep it... as it is the labor that adds up fast. I had thought about selling it on the local classifieds (a TV station runs a great site here) for cheap (as is, needs work, king of a deal) but it looks like we might have found it a home where it is needed and an improvement over the current one. I am a firm believer in helping others when you can, in any way you can. While I could make $100 off it I would rather gift it when needed so that when I am in need of a gift the chances of me getting it are higher (not thinking this person would "repay" it, but Karma : do good and good will come to you)

Orange Vinegar test

I finally took the orange peels out the vinegar to see if the orange vinegar is a good cleaner like I have seen on Pinterest.
I took the orange vinegar and put it in a spray bottle and I added that much water also (1:1) as I knew that I did not need it full strength most of the time.
I had waited until the counter was in bad shape to test it (I did not take a picture as I did not want to show off just how bad it got) this is the counter that we use for setting food an often for chopping/prep, so many people can imagine just how yukky it was. But it made for a Great test! I simply cleared off the items off the counter and the using a spray bottle I laid down a thin coat of the Orange vinegar. I then grabbed my sponge (I knew a paper towel would not hold up this time) and started wiping/using the scrubber side as needed. I was pleasantly surprised that it did a great job! I even had to rinse out the sponge a few times and that did not seem to change how fast the gunk was coming off. My hubby did mention the smell (but I think that came from a different source, I was multi-tasking) and I did take a paper towel to the counter after, just to dry it off.
I think that I had better start another batch as I am using it up fast! in the past 24 hours I have cleaned the counters (I did the other side today) I even used it on my pizza pan (the style with the med size holes in the round cookie sheet) that I used for heating a greasy leftover, it was MUCH faster and did a better job than the soap and sponge would have. All I did was spray it on, let it sit for 10-20 seconds while I grabbed the dishes from the table, then used a kitchen brush to clean it off. It took less then a min.!
I really like that it cuts hard water built up, grease and is 100% safe for us and the pets!
The next batch is going to be lemon as I found a great sale on them this week and for non-greasy cleaning the smell will be better, more like a cleaning product that you might find in the store. I plan on using it in the kitchen and bathroom for the more routine mess cleaning, keeping the orange for the harder jobs (next time I find oranges on sale....)

I am also in progress of 2 more tests both seem to have good uses, one of them not what was the application for witch I tried it, but still a cool, cheap way to clean... more later on those. The un-named mother's day gift's are also coming along nicely, but that post is gonna have to wait until I deliver the gifts, as posting before would give it away.

So goes life

I have several projects in the works, but non are finished (in the testing stage right now are homemade kitchen scrubbies, homemade air fresheners, and an un-named Mother's day gift...)
The title is one of the sayings I use a lot! Most often when people ask me about things that I cannot change or how I am feeling. I tend to end my comment with "and so is life" or "so goes it" It is my way of saying that I am not letting it get to me that I cannot change it but that I know that it is there.
This week I added a word to my medical file one that I had a good idea needed to be there but Doc did everything he could to make sure he could not find something my issues could be blamed on that fit better. That word is Fibromyalgia. I have been thinking about it and me for 4-6 months but I think that it has been lurking for years. I am blessed to have a high pain tolerance and an aversion to taking meds that make me dizzy (most rx pain killers do that and/or make me sick to my tummy) So when the pain that I have had for many years got worse after my eye surgery last July, I started doing research. But My Doc wanted to rule out as many things as he could first (makes logical sense to me) When I started down to road to SS Disability Doc did a bunch of tests to rule out and decided that I have more then just Fybro but that is a good place to start until we can find out what the rest of it is. I don't often talk about my physical issues as I would rather not have them :) but they are a part of me and I am stuck at home, not able to work and going nuts (so I do crafty things to keep me busy)
I cannot change it and yet I am doing what I can to make it better and have great friends and family that are always on the look out for a new natural thing for me to try out :)
So Goes Life...

Learning.. always learning

The past 2 weeks I have not done much in the crafty realm. I like to blame the weather that had my hands hurting to the point that I could not do much (they are like weather veins) But in my never ending quest to keep busy I dove into learning more about PTSD. I had seen a Dr Oz show that got me started thinking about it  few week before. On the show The guest was talking about how any traumatic event can cause this  kind of reaction from the body/brain.
Note: before I go on I want to make clear that I think most times PTSD that non military people deal with is less but that does not mean that it is not there. Our brave men and women who have served our country are dealing with the worst kind because they had to do things they would never do in "normal" life and they saw way more then that. This post in NO way is trying to make PTSD smaller then it is, I am trying to talk about a scale of mild to totally disabling. Each person's experiences are different and so is the aftermath.
As I thought more about that and reactions/feelings I saw that both Hubby and I have been dealing with issues that fall into that spectrum. I am blessed to be a part of a group on Facebook for PTSD support/learning. The lady who facilitates it has a wonderful understanding and a beautiful way of putting things into words to really uplifted and support. Reading other's challenges, has given me a clearer understanding and has helped me see how it affects those in my life.
Over the past five years both my husband and I went from working full time to be home full-time (still hoping I can get back to work). This transition has not been easy especially for him as he feels responsible for the family support. This transition has caused many PTSD symptoms and has taught us coping skills. overall I think we are handling our situation very well. But I wish I had learned more sooner.
As I look back over my life I can see several traumatic incidents, and after each incident I saw a change in myself. At the time I dealt with it, which was the best thing to do (sometimes it took many years to deal with but it has been done) but had I known more about PTSD even in my teens it would have better equipped me to deal with things in a timely fashion.
The biggest reason I wish I had learned more sooner is that it might have assisted with my ex-husband. He didn't like to think of it as PTSD so I never dove into it. He preferred survivor syndrome or something of that nature and I did do some looking into that but that was not as helpful to me, it might have been more helpful for him... I have no regrets as I did what I could but sometimes looking back you see what more you might have done.

Some things that PTSD can cause:
Feeling unloveable, worthless, not a "man" (breadwinner)
Acting out verbally, physically, and sexually (one of the biggest issues is cheating)
Depression, trouble sleeping, nightmares from hell, fatigue
Those with PTSD are often argumentative and seem to start something from nothing, but what their brains say they believe.. ie "you always treat me like a child" they feel like you are waiting on them hand and foot like you would a sick kid, so you must think they are like a kid. but in reality it is because they need X, Y and Z to stay calm so you just got those items for them without being asked. (btw this is not a real example)

Some tips for all of us caregivers, family or friends who want to stay in their lives:
Don't say like "it is all in your head", "I don't see anything wrong so you must be fine" or "you are not the person you used to be" anything along those lines. those with PTSD want to be the person they were before and most are working every day to be that person. This put down can set them back months
Don't let them get away with acting badly, but learn to remind without anger (this is something I am still learning..) and respond without anger when lashed out at ("inferred" or real)
Help where ever you can, even if that means going in the next room for a while so that calming down can happen faster.
Find ways to help them release the anger they feel at not being able to do the things they used to do, or for feeling that they are worthless/ unlovable
Find ways to release your own pain, you cannot be a caregiver (in any way not just PTSD) for long if you cannot have you time, and things that help you unwind. (My crafts are part of that for me, also computer games)

My 2 cents :)

Pets

I know this does not hold true for everyone but for me pets are a life saver! Animals are little stress relievers, they love us no matter what mood we are in, and they know when we are down or sick. I am a cat lover, so they are my favorite. This week on my trip down memory lane I found some pictures of one of my cat's

Smokey as a kitten

Smokey as an old man (about 8 years old)

I know that Smokey did not live as long as some cats do but he was an outdoor cat in Coyote country so he really did live a long life. I have a cat now who reminds me a lot of my Smokey, so I think of him often. I had him for about 5 years before we moved across country and I had to leave him. He would not have liked becoming an indoor cat (even if my dad had allowed it) and when I went away to college he would have been lonely.

I will talk about animals in another post as I have done some work with a local no kill rescue. but for now I will introduce my cats (the ones living here now)

These are the 3 who sleep with me every night. in fact this was taken because I could not move one night :)

The Orange Tabby is Tigger, He came with my husband, and step kids. He is the Old man of the house at 16 years old. he is loosing his sight but overall is a happy cat. He sleeps more now then he used to (about 22-23 hours a day sometimes) He likes to be with the girls :) so he sleeps by my head most nights (I made a shelf with pillows for him)

This is my Lee, he is about 3 years old and a loving cat, shy and a frady cat like my Smokey. Also vocal, he likes to talk to us, esp the hour before feeding time. his markings are so cool he looks like a wild cat but he would never make it in that world. He is one of the kittens who had a really bad infection, but it did not slow his growth like it did some of the others.

This is Gemini (meaning Twin, as she has a sister who looks JUST like her, named Gemelli for the same meaning) But she answers to Baby also. She is technically my hubby's cat but she loves her mommy. she is also one of the kittens with the infection, she has been small her whole life, but in the last year has caught up :) She likes to sleep on clean clothes... esp when I don't want her to sleep on them.

 This is my step-son's cat Scribbles, she is a almost 4 years old and full of life. She loves boxes and the laser light. she does not like the other cats much, so she tends to stay in my step-son's room more then coming out to play. But she is a loving cat and she loves her human!

Quilting

I had several items that were sentimental but not in condition to use so I thought I would to a memory quilt.. well this turned into a HUGE project with a quilt for each of my step kids and one for my husband and I... I just finished the first one. After this project is done I will never make a quilt with 5 inch squares again (before seam allowance)

I used a rag style quilt as the pattern, I then made manageable blocks and sewed them together before I put the whole thing together (sorry no picture of a block) I used 2 sheets for the backing but cut them into squares also. I made a pattern so that each block was the same but could be turned anyway to fit and the pattern would not change.

Each square is 3 layers the top, filling and backing. I used old fleece blankets for the filling as I had them and they were in need of up-cycling (stains, holes)

I used my machine to make a large x in each piece then I used the serger to put them together, I did it assembly like style I took each row and lined them up then did all the x's then went to the serger to make them rows.

I learned that after the rows are done a trim and iron are needed before putting the block together, then a final trim and iron.

This is not a perfect quilt, I would have liked it to be a little more square but working with all different kinds of fabric made that hard. I trimmed each block to  "square" before the final assembly but it was not quite right... LOL the edge is done with the serger and trimmed to about 1/4 inch just as the other seams are.

One more will be done like this, the other 2 will be a yarn tied as they have larger squares that were logos and sayings from items. the next one I am going to work on is one of those. Final dimensions are about 85x85 large enough for a queen and almost for a king. I learned a lot from this and I am better prepared to do another quilt now.. but I have a new respect for people who quilt... it is HARD work. I have made clothes (mostly rennie garb) and little items for years but this was a whole new ball game! I will need a different foot for my machine if I plan on doing other kinds of quilts (a walking foot that moves the top layers of fabric not just the bottom)
This one is for the eldest and I hope to give it to her next Wed. The fabric content is from all of us and that is special.

Memories and Masks part 2

I shared the whole of what I wrote yesterday with my hubby and I decided to go ahead and post the life events... now this is the readers digest condensed version but these events are the ones that stand out the most to me as having a MAJOR intact on making me who I am today, I am still learning from the past as I see more with each passing year. I strive to learn from what has happened so that I can react better to what happens around me now.
This is expressed in a way that people who don't know me will have a hard time finding out the who and where, I also tried to share the way I see things now, so some bad things are put in a better light (part of that is also that I did not want to get into those, but not ignore that they were there) This is a little insight into me for those who wish to read it :)

The story goes like this:I am the daughter of a minister so I was seen as the example so I had to act right, proper, like a lady.. and so on. I was not an evil kid and I like to please people so I became to person that I "should be". I had a great childhood and I had friends, but about age 8 I started seeing that I was different then the image I "needed to portray" Yes, my little sister arriving had something to do with that but as much as we fought over the years, I love her LOTS and would not changed a thing about her. She taught me that I have a built in mothering instinct and I love to use it :) at this time most of my friends were not my age as I did not fit in with the girls (I was a tom boy) and the boys did not want me around most of the time, there were some that I was friends with but I did not get to see them as much. I also had some issues with the boys wanting me to do things that I did not want to do (yes, things that should not be..) thankfully my friends stood up for me and while the pressure was there still, the question was never asked again. So I started spending more time with my mom's friends and several other older people. I got vary close to one and while that was odd given the age difference and looking back I feel like I was a 3rd wheel most of the time, I also have loads of great, fun memories, and it was easy to say that there was someone watching the dating pair :) After they got married things changed, but not in a bad way. I was ecstatic to find out they were expecting! I saved all my allowance and got them a nice car seat, cause I wanted to give a gift, but also cause I wanted the little one to be safe (yes, I had my mom help me look up the safest models). I was so happy when she arrived, I loved that little one from the min. I knew she was on her way. but then when she was still a baby, they packed up and moved, at the time I was heartbroken, now I see the logic. We kept in touch here and there. I started feeling down more with them gone but I found another friend to help me (I tend to have 1 really close friend at a time, now I have a couple) but my life was about to change again. I found boys! they did not find me, so I was able to be friends with them better then most of the girls! I never told them that I liked them cause I just wanted to be close to them, to be on the "inside", getting info for the other girls. That method did not work... but that was ok with me. One of the guys I liked at this time had a girlfriend in a different state (or so he said) and I was able to spend more time with him for a few reasons. but I decided that he was not worthy of me when I saw the way he treated the kid brothers of another friend, I knew I wanted a guy that liked kids... this one did not! a few months later he tried something he should not have and I then despised him. That event sent me into a bad depression, I told no one for months about what happened not because I was ashamed but because of threats. that fall I found myself talking to someone about this person and she asked why I disliked him, I told her what happened and she told me he had tried something on her about a week after but she had not been threatened as there was no "need" in his eyes. I am thankful to a great friend who did everything she could to pull me from the grips of my depression, and little by little it worked, in a way... at home I did not change much still, but with time, and a piano to practice, I did. I started to excel in life again, I had friends my age, I was starting to really want to play the piano (meaning I practiced without being told, and many days 2 hours), and I started college at the local community college.Then my life changed again, we moved across the country and I went away to college... There I met my best friend of all time, and we are still trying to find out how we ever became friends, but we would not change it for anything. I also met the first man I would marry.. My first love... we spent many hours together and many hours apart with us in different states. I went across county again for school and he followed me when he was able, we then got married, and had lots of fun in the northwest. I then took him across the Rockies to see some family and we decided that side was where we wanted to be. We had been having some issues and I was hoping that moving would be a clean start, put the trouble behind us and move forward. So I found a job here and we moved. Sadly the trouble same along and things came to a breaking point in 2008 about 6 months before our 5 year anniversary. It broke my heart to tell him it is over, but I knew I could not be happy the way things were and after we had tried to work on them for several years the challenges were getting worse not better.. so I knew it was over...Yet another change... There was a guy at work who was a good friend, he was also leaving a relationship and we talked about it, (but only to each other as we did not want to be the people who spread rumors, even if we were just venting) I thought he was a cool guy but I would not even think about anything happening.. well, he had a truck and so I asked him to help move my Ex out of my place... so we talked for a while that evening and knew that we would give a relationship a try. we moved fast there is no doubt about that. But we had been talking at work for a year, so we had that background. I filed my divorce and it was final less then a month later.. just about that time my friend moved in with me and we were waiting on his divorce to be final (sadly that took a lot longer...) we got married about 2 weeks after his was final. we have now been together for almost 5 years..
This change gave me 3 step kids who I love. and all the challenges of being a step parent :) I told them from day one that I was not there to take their mother's place they had a mom, I was a bonus (or not sometimes if they were in trouble). This change has taught me more, and brought me more joy! We decided not to have any of our own (unless Mother Nature makes it so, when we are trying to prevent) because my step kids are of age and I  helped raise my sister so I did not feel that I was missing out. But more importantly for health reasons, I would have to go off my arthritis meds, and with the spot in my lower back I would not be able to move my right leg without crippling pain. So I am waiting for Grand kids to love on (but I am not in a rush, being a grandmother in my 30's is a little young LOL) 

Memories and Masks

This week has been full of emotion, I found that I had some things that needed dealing with. this came up when I found some friends who I have not had contact with for years. I was over joyed to find them again, but then I realized that I had hurt to deal with. I don't blame, there was reasons for losing touch... some of them on my side. But boy did I hurt not getting to know if they were safe, and how they were doing. Now that I have been dealing with that I started taking a walk down memory lane.
All the people that I know who I have not talked to for years, mostly because I am not the person they knew.
As things change so do we, In college I chose to start wearing jewelry, after many hours of bible study I decided that as long as it did not become a stumbling block for me then it was ok. I also have let myself fully drop the mask I starting wearing so many years ago. I let myself watch what I want, say what I want and eat what I want. But the Me that is now is so different from the mask, that many of my friends from years ago don't even know they know me when I see them. One person only knew because I was with my cousin, and they saw her more often.
I would love to reconnect with old friends, but I am not sure they would like the real me. So I am happy to know they are safe and will let them decide if they want to get to know the real me, I will friend them on social media so they can see me and I will talk to them but the ball is in their court. I am blessed with friends who like the real me so I am not without...

I wrote out my major life events and I have them saved, but I am not sure that I am ready to share that in full (I have left out names and places) so I will save it for another time.

Cleaning....

I am not a fan of cleaning... I like a clean house but I don't like to get it there :)
In my quest to save money and clean using natural cleaners rather then the chemicals that we can all buy so easy I started hunting Pinterest and other online sources to find ways that don't take forever.
I found a great pin about making your own orange cleaner (orange peels and vinegar, let sit for several weeks to months) I am making a batch right now, it has been about 2 weeks and the vinegar is just starting to turn orange so I am going to let it go another 2-3 weeks. I hope to use it in the kitchen as an alternative to bleach based cleaners :) I love the smells of orange, apple and/or cinnamon in the kitchen. More on that when I get to try it out.
This place I have tile in the bathroom (floor and shower) I noticed when moving in that the floor grout was about 4 -5 shades darker in the walkways then on the edges. I knew that I needed to clean but I have never had to clean grout (my tile experience has been with well sealed grout and that was just mop as needed). To Pinterest I went, I found several ways but the one that seemed to me to be the best was this one http://aprrilsopinion.blogspot.com/2012/06/amazing-grout-cleaner.html I mixed up a batch and went to work, I let it sit as noted and scrubbed with an old toothbrush, it worked great but took a long time (45 min). So I only did about 1/4 of the small floor... I then went back a few days later to do more and just after applying the cleaner I got called away (to the door) and it sat for about 30-45 min rather then 15 min. the extra time did wonders! I cleaned the next section in about 10 min! so I then knew how to use it, so when I did the shower I applied the cleaner with the thought to leave it sit longer and it worked, the shower took longer to scrub but that it due to the smaller tiles. I found that the grout was 2 colors in the shower (before that section just looked a little worse) I am guessing that section had been taken out to fix the plumbing, and rather then finding the white grout, the leftover grout from the floor was used (med grey/tan ish).

My next project is the cupboards and doors...they are dark brown and showing age. I have found a great trick... Shoe polish! if you can find one that is close in color it does wonders.

Bathroom 1/2 done

This shows just how good the polish covers (and it adds shine) I think that it took 10 years off the bathroom,  it does not last forever but is a great way to cover little issues (great for renters!!!) I am getting ready to go over the bathroom again as the first coat was absorbed by the wood, but it is still way better than it was, the wood was rough and the finish was peeling off, now the peeling has stopped and the rough is much better (I hope that a 2nd coat will totally fix that) it also helped the doors but I had to mix a latex pain to cover some large patches (I used craft paint mixed with water then blended it well into the grain so that it did not show as much) it came out a little dark but I think that is better then the almost white marks. (it is hard to get a picture that shows it)

I am trying to find a way to remove paint from them (the little white dots in the picture) but every method I try removes the finish on the wood... I have sanded (using a small piece of sandpaper), scraped (using a thin piece of metal) and my all time favorite rubbing alcohol... the rubbing alcohol worked the best but still removed a little of what I need to keep. I also have a lot of paint to remove and that method takes a LONG time and lots of q-tips. I love this place but the people who painted it last did not know how to use a sprayer...= little dots of paint on everything!

Up next : what ever I find of interest... maybe sewing stuff...

Homemade Laundry soap

I started looking at the real cost of our favorite laundry soap and found that it was about .13 a load (when buying it at a discount store, up to .19 a load other places)
I saw the pinterest  posts about making your own and how cheap it is, so I started looking into the differences in methods and ingredients. I did not like the idea of making a liquid soap as I have a front load washing machine and while I can use liquid, I like the fact that powder is easier to store, my husband likes the scented soap and the liquid would be harder for me to scent to his liking.
Ingredients often used : what it does
Washing soda : water softener/cleaner
baking soda  :water softerer/brighter
Fels naptha :soap/oil remover good to use if poison oak/ivy is anywhere near as it removes the oil from them
Zote : soap
Oxi clean : booster/brighter
Purex crystals (or other brand) : smelly agent :)
Borax : cleaner

I started looking into how safe each of them is and I found that the only one with any concern is the Borax and I did not want it in my house as small amounts can cause breathing issues for animals and children (it can cause those issues in adults but it is less common and easier to treat) I have cats, rodents, and reptiles so I did not want to risk their health to test a cheaper laundry soap.
Baking soda is not used as often but I chose to add it for extra cleaning/ refreshing power.
Most use Fels naptha or Zote, we did not like the smell of Zote or Fels naptha but together they are ok and you get the citronella in the Zote for repelling bugs and the oil removing power of the Fels naptha

 What I used for my huge batch (was trying for a year's supply)
2/3 bar Fels naptha (grated fine)
1 bar Zote (grated fine)
2 boxes Washing soda (Arm and Hammer) 3lb  7oz each
4 lbs baking soda (one large box or 4 small)
6 lbs Oxi clean (used the cheap brand, it works just fine)
1 large container Purex crystals (55oz)

I  looked at the number of Tablespoons in an ounce and tried to see just how many per ingredient, then in total. I came to about 350 loads for this batch. Using 2 Tablespoons per load as the measurement, but I found I actually use about 11/2 T per load, and 2 T for the really dirty loads.

Other items needed :
Large container with a TIGHTLY fitting lid, I used a cat litter bucket.. not the best choice.. it spilled 2 times, one in the moving truck and that was a HUGE MESS!! You can also use a large bowl and then move to smaller containers for storage.
old/cheap  grater  or food processor (I used one that the large side broke and only the small was usable, as I did not want to mix it with the food one. I have a step child that is a germ-a-phobe so I try to keep things seperate)
A little Elbow grease :)

Assembly :
I grated the soap while watching TV, it took my about 2 hours (but I was not always grating, and I have arthritis in my hands so I am slow at this step)
I then added the other ingredients in medium amounts mixing as I went.

Not hard at all! in total it took me 3 hours but I got to watch my favorite TV shows for 2 hours of that, and clean the kitchen floor for 20 min LOL :)

Testing:
I ran to the towels thinking they would be a good test.. I washed them and they came out fluffy and smelling like baking soda :( I was so sad that I had spent the money on the Purex crystals as I thought I would need 2 times as much as I had gotten (this would have increased the cost to the same as the pre-made kind) I also did a load of whites and found that the stain in my hubby's favorite shirt came out with the homemade and it had been there for 3-4 washes with the store bought! I was happy with the cleaning but not the smell, but we still had some of the old kind left, so I told kids to use the old box before starting on the homemade. I did use it sometimes for towels or badly soiled items. I was surprised that the old box lasted about 2 months, so the homemade sat waiting... This was the best thing that I have wished for!

Conculsions :
Make the homemade soap about 2-3 months before you want to use it, so that the Purex Crystals have time to perfume the batch.
Test the amount you need per load use a scoop if possible to make it easier for others to remember how much to use (I found a drink mix scoop that was the right amount for me)
Store in an airtight container (for the perfuming)
Open the Fels naptha and let it dry for a month for easier grating
Freeze the Zote for easier grating (sounds odd but it works! next time I will dry it as well to see if that improves it even more)


I did not price it as the price does vary, I found one item for cheaper then I expected and one cost a little more. Look at any discount grocery stores that are local to you, I found the washing soda $1 a box cheaper there then at Walmart, but I did not have a good place to get baking soda so that cost me a little more (had to get the small boxes, I will get it at Costco now :) But it is safe to say for about $30 you can make this large batch, it saves my family about $10 a year and for me that is great, as the kids move out I am guessing it will last us 2 years (or more).

Up next : testing grout cleaning methods.

Food part 2

Food is a never ending challenge, using the tips about food in the food part 1, I was able to feed our larger family on as little as $50 a week when money is tight, I did just that the months of Oct and Nov.  then due to my work situation we were able to get food stamps. This was a HUGE blessing as I did not know how I was going to feed the 3 of us left in the house.

The amount we were given for the end of Nov. I used to re-stock the very empty pantry. I still use my system as it saves me money and I do not want to get out of the habit. In fact I found pork roast that same week for .99 a lb (only happens 2-3 times a year) so I was able to get several to stash in the freezer. I also like to look at the adds to see what meals we might like but I have not thought of. I am working on a list of meals that we like that I can easily pull from for menu planning but...

Now that there is only 3 of us cooking has changed alot! I have the luck that the 3 of us are the pickiest eaters, and with my eating issues I never know from min to min what I will be able to eat, thankfully I learned along time ago to pay attention to my body so I am not often starting something then having to waste it. but I am doing more cooking for the boys and finding something to eat for me. This has changed my menu planning, I now have a list of meals that I can choose from that most to all the ingredients are on hand(about 3 weeks worth) and I try to keep the fridge stocked with basics (salad fixings, dairy, sandwich meat, cheese....). so I can fix most things without a run to the store. NEVER run to the store to get a "few items", go shopping or get the item for dinner (be in a hurry, I like to start dinner then run to the local store to get the last item, so I cannot dally)

For now I am still learning a new system, but that is why I do not want to lose the old habits from the ads and price matching for the lowest price.

I will post on this subject from time to time, as I like to find new ways to save money any way I can :) as long as I am not hungry or the cleaner/ trick works!

Next planned post... Homemade Laundry soap, what I learned....

update

I took a few months off as I had more health issues pop up... (oh the Joys!) I lasted 2 weeks back at work before the migraine took over my life. I call it the migraine as it lasted until Oct. it was there for about 1 week shy of 2 months. During that time we also had to move, the nice place that we had been living was sold and the new owners needed us (and our neighbors) out to replace the sewer lines to all 8 houses on the ally. So we fund a new place and love it here, the location is better, and the cost is a little cheaper (no issues with the cost of the elect!)

After that the youngest had another surgery :( this one healed faster! and just before it she found her first job!!! then her other half found a job!
I also had more health issues come up and sadly lost 15 lbs :( but I am learning to manage the food issues, so I am not loosing anymore (that I know of) But my job does not allow for the flexibility that I need now. In fact most do not, I am looking to see if I can find that rare job that does.. While I wait on that I have to continue to try working with the Short Term and Long Term Disability from my work to see if I can get a little money coming in.
Nov.was a eventful month as they (with my step-son's friend) found a place to call their's! I am so proud of them for getting out on their own and so far doing well at it :) they all 3 have jobs and are starting life out well.
My step-son is continuing to work on his H.S. diploma and is making progress on his goals

I have discovered Pinterest and am having fun with the craft/food/cleaning ideas I find there. I will be adding the results into my blog so that others will have the benefit of what I have learned.