In 2017 I will ...

Quit being so hard on myself

Start the scanning process of our religious materials

Visit with the Gods and Goddesses often, making sure the path is well traveled.

Accept my faults and learn from them

Honor my ancestors

Make time for learning

See the good in the clouds

Learn the meaning of the runes

Give of my self

Eat for my health

Share my knowledge

Be in the moment

Study the Havamal

Grow my knowledge of healing arts

Invest in my education

Seek balance

Read more of our history

Face my insecurities

Validate my feelings

Go on more walks/ find a way to get exercise that does not lay me flat

Encourage those around me in the path

This is the same list that Lisa did the other day. She told me about it and her thoughts about why she wanted to do it. I jumped on board. Even John likes the idea. So tomorrow we are going to give the Kindred the idea and papers they can fill out. I added several as I found while thinking about what to put where I had several ideas come into my head. From Seek on were ones I added. Both Lisa and I changed act to study and have to share. That is the beauty of this idea each person can customize the list to what they want to work on.
My thoughts are this is a great way to help me change some of my bad habits for good ones, without trying to change it all in one day. Like topical New Years resolutions. This next year I am going to focus on me and making me the best me I can be.

New Year, New Me

I always think about new years resolution, but usually end up doing nothing because I want too much change in too little time. I know that would never work so I don't bother. This year, however, I was looking around on pintrest and something popped up that looked interesting. I followed the link and and read the person's ideas and ended up making some minor changes to make it my own.
It starts out with "In 2017 I will..." then has a list of 15 verbs. Here is mine:
Quit eating sugar.
Start exercising.
Visit the gods and goddesses through meditation.
Accept myself.
Honor my dad.
Make a series of Asatru virtues story books.
See my true self.
Learn the runes.
Give thoughtful answers when asked advice.
Eat fewer carbs.
Share my knowledge with those who ask.
Be the queen of the kindred again as well as gythia.
Study the runes, Eddas and sagas.
Grow spiritually by learning the runes, writing the virtue stories and studying the Eddas and sagas.
Invest in myself.

Yes there is a lot to accomplish in that list, but instead of think of a one time resolution it is a guide to grow by. I think I can handle that. 2017 is going to be a great year.

Birthday Party...

presents!!!

Our little boy had a birthday last week! he is 5 now!!! it is hard to believe that time has flown by so fast! He LOVES all things dinosaur so we used that for our theme this year. Last Sat. we had friends and family over to celebrate. We had lots of gifts and lots of fun! with all the dino things out there we chose to have a dig (Cow bones from our local butcher, that we boiled the meat and fat off) The cake and ice cream were made by a local baker (also a friend)

the awesome cake!

showing off the gifts!

New toys (K'nex)

Sissy enjoying the fun

OMG that is a large bone!

Silence

So the past few months we have not been as good about posting here... we have been dealing with some things in our personal lives and we have not had enough energy to find things to post about.  Not that we have had ideas, but the time needed to expand on them has been used to try and figure out what is going on with us. 
We have not hidden the fact that we live differently than most, and with that comes different challenges and greater rewards.. being the 2 women in one man's life we have a wonderful benefit of having a friend to talk to about what is bugging us without airing our dirty laundry to someone on the outside.  But that can cause frustrations also as it can look like 2 are ganging up on the other.
In the past 8 weeks we have been working on our communication  (something most relationships need to work on all the time) as always we have our hiccups... but we keep working...
We are also in the process of changing our daily routine to include a school or learning time and looking into the best options for our kids.. our Son is of kindergarten age this fall and we have decided to delay for a year to allow his brain to develop more. But we want to work with him and provide him with more social interaction so if we decide to send him to school next year he is ready to work with other kids and listen to a teacher every day.  And our daughter cannot let brother get ahead of her (oh the sibling competition, and she is 18 months younger) so we have to see about teaching her already!
There are others outside our immediate family who think they know best and are getting rather pushy about what they think is best. But then a learning toy we picked out (for birthday) is to advanced? Not sure why but it has been voiced... all while portraying the attitude that we are lazy and can't handle the teaching... we are at a loss to figure out what the issue really is, but would really love to be trusted for once. Thankfully there are others also not immediate family who think we are doing a great job and the learning is going right on track for him, and this person is a teacher who just last year was teaching his age group. that helps us to feel like we are on the right path even if it is not the path that one person feels like we should take even knowing the detrimental effects it could have on his life long learning...
That in a nutshell is what has been going on here.. there will also be some good news about the craft business soon (still working out details)
We feel bad about not posting more, but we have to find the balance in the many hats we wear daily..
Wife, mother, housekeeper, business woman, crafter, artisan, daughter, gopher, and chauffeur just to name a few..
Not trying to make excuses, just trying to shed light on the crazy lives we lead...

Father's day

Yesterday was Father's day.. and one in our year of firsts.. we tried to make it special for John and David and ignored the fact that it was the first without our dads.. until the evening, then I made a toast to them and to the dads still here.

John with his pride and joys...

We will always miss our Fathers

Ellen's Father 

Lisa's Father

They were great men, fathers, husbands, sons, grandfathers...

Hi functioning depression

I read an article this evening that got me thinking.. it was about hi functioning depression.. a term I have never heard but knew instantly it was me.
I remember a little about being "normal" but my memories are few and far between. Some where around when my sister was born it all changed. But I did not know it then,  I kept on with life,  but I had a really hard time getting to sleep @ night,  I was numb inside. Still showing emotions to the world (and most were true, I just did not feel them the same way) it was in that time window that I was abused for the 2nd time.  My parents did the best that could,  I do not blame them @ all. I blame the perv...
When I was 14 it happened again.. note it was more attempted, than actual. But all the bad feelings were there.. that time I shut down. The world saw I was depressed, but no one knew why. Almost a year after I told one person and she told me the same guy had tried it on her. What a pervert! I also allowed my best friend at the time to start to draw me back out into the world.  But the depression never left. I learned to cope with it,  I was social, I had friends, I was seen as someone who did not shut up.. but my insides were dead.. I thought many times about ending it,  came really close one time...
Then I found my blessing! Sharon! She was also a pastor's kid, raised in a conservative Christian Church (not the same one I was) and she got me!  She knew the questions to ask me,  the ones I did not have answers ready for... I started asking myself Why? When?  How? Then getting deeper, it is reaction? Or fear? Reason or false? And the list goes on.
Using the tools Sharon gave me I have been able to look at myself in a different way and have worked on a good many of my issues.. (I swear the list gets longer the more I work on it)
But what I have noticed in the last few months,  I am started to loose the always looking at the negative of a situation.. that it not to say that it does not come up,  but that I am able to say no to it. This enables me to get to the root of what is bothering me without making it about someone else.... progress is hard,  but worth it..
I will always be more down than some,  but I can always work on me,  making me a better person,  lover,  mother....

This is the story that got me started

Test Results

This week I had a doctor's appointment. It was to get some results from tests the doctor had run on me. Most of it was the usual stuff. I need to lose weight and get my cholesterol down.  And then there was the one I wasn't expecting. We did the tests to check for autoimmune disorders.  One of the markers came back positive. My sister called me a lucky bum and the doctor looked at us like we were crazy. Maybe we are but it was a relief to finally have at least a partial answer to what is going on with my body. My sister and I deal with many of the same issues. She has been actively seeking answers for several years. I have only been trying to figure it out for a year or so. Before that I simply tried to ignore it. I guess the doctor isn't used to people being happy over a diagnosis like that. But it meant I wasn't imagining things. There was something wrong all this time that people told me it was all in my head.
This has got me thinking about all the things that I ignore until they are too big to ignore. I know a lot of it is in how I grew up with the impression that my problems were not as important as everybody else.  It took something drastic for anyone to even notice me. So I don't trust my own instincts and feelings. That really messes a person up. Half the time I don't even trust my own memories.

Long week

This week has been a drag. Lisa and I are both sick (a cold) so we have been taking it easy and trying to get better. Both kids are having allergy issues and John is fighting the cold.. So this week has been all about resting, cough control, and Kleenex.
The allergies that turned into the cold started a couple of weeks ago, and they have not gone away, but all the drainage was clear so we were not worried, then last Sunday I had a weird blood pressure issue, that the ER doc decided was a panic attack (I have had panic attacks and this was NO panic attack) brought on by the allergies.. but I am fine we just wanted to make sure that there was not a bigger issue we were missing. but the one night in the ER turned the sinuses and I knew when I woke up that I had a cold. Tues. Lisa and I both went to the dr to get something and the dr I saw (urgent care, as that is closer than my dr) thought it was nothing and that it would run its course, I demanded antibiotics, and she gave me the small z pak.. 3 days in and I am no better, honestly worse.. so I think next week I will need to go see my dr and get something stronger.
I do not like to take antibiotics, but when my body gets a cold (esp with a cough like this) I cannot get rid of it any other way. The best natural thing I have found is Grapefruit seed extract, but the taste is vile and when you have a a sore throat that is RAW (like strep) it is 100x worse and you have to take it 3-4 times a day.
I want to get a better assortment of herbs and oils to see if we can get rid of things without nasty meds. But it takes time and we are expanding, so we will get there..

New Toy

Open, showing the inside finish

So this weekend we built a new dehydrator. We have gone through 3 commercial dehydrators in the last year. We are hard on them. I guess they are not designed for constant use. In our house we dry so many things. Herbs, onions, tomatoes are our main things. We grow several herbs and use drying to preserve them. We make our own onion powder from dried onions. (It tastes so much better than the stuff you get in the store.)
The tomatoes are what we get the weird looks about.  We make a powder out of the dried tomatoes that we use to flavor soups, beans and other dishes.

The inside is sealed with a food grade wood sealant, as are all the trays.. the outside is simply stained to help the wood last a little better.. 

it is about 5 feet tall and has room for 14 trays.. we only have enough of the mesh for 12 right now (we will pick up another roll soon)

The trays are 18x12, not super large but not tiny. We used a food grade mesh also as we do things like tomatoes that cannot go on metal. What you cannot see is the 2 small computer fans that are set so one pulls air in and over the heating bulb, and the other pull the air up through the trays and out the top.

 The links in the pictures are to the corresponding items that we used.

After staining closed

the heating bulb

Tray with mesh held over it

close up of the mesh

Controller 

the mesh

We spent just under $200 for all the parts, and we have enough of the food safe finish to do another one. This includes the wood, and we uses 1x1's and a nice 3/8 inch thick plywood. We used the nicer plywood as it will be seen ALL the time.

This Dehydrator is close to 1/3 the size and is more than 1/3 the cost. The best benefit is that if something goes, we can replace it not the whole thing. 

Now the most fun... getting to use it!!!

Thinking about hard things

I saw a blog this week where a gal shared that she was expecting and how a miscarriage was changing how she was reacting to this little one growing inside.
That got me to thinking about the challenges I am dealing with and how hard it is. This is vary hard for me to write about. For several resons, 1 not all of my family knows that I am trying, and 2 not all of my family knows about my relationship with my other halfs. So hitting publish on this one is going to be hard.

  I had my first miscarriage when I was 22. I was on birth control and I had not missed a pill, I was a little late with a couple but not a full miss. I was changing Dr's also and I called the new one to ask a question. I was told that my appointment would be kept and that everything should be ok. Ya.. no.. I lost that one @ about 6 weeks. I was sad over it for a long time... but was not in a place that I wanted to start a family.  Fast forward to 29 and the same thing happens again. Only this time I was in my ob's office several times in the 2 weeks that my period was late. That time we never got a test to say I was pregnant but even the OB thought I was. Then my marriage ended and I was glad we did not have a baby *even if I was still really upset about the miscarriages* In my next relationship I missed a month @ 31 and we thought it might be.  But no.. then that relationship ended.
It happened again @ 34. After that time (rather sure I was, as the way it passed) we started sort of trying... my health has been more stable and my stress lower. It seemed like a good time. My other halfs are more then excited to have another one,  but now my body will not get on board. It has been 18 months and nothing. I am having the family issues with cysts, and found out that I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome. As I do more research on that,  the more I find that it is hard to treat. There is one medication that you can take,  and it does not like me. I found out that there are a couple others, but not as well studied. We are going to try one of them this month. You can loose weight,  no thanks I just finally reached a healthy weight for me (was under weight most of my life). I can go on a drastic diet, I don't think that is healthy. Or I can try herbs.. honestly the herbs look like the best option! So I have started to look into what herbs and why.
I am talking to my OB about every option and why or why not to try them. I am blessed that my OB now is a great gal who wants my health to be important also, not just the idea of having a baby.. I see her this week about the cycts and hope that I can start the herbs after that.
*Added after talking to my awesome OB today, we are going to try another medication and the herbal teas. I love that she is ok with me trying herbs and I even forgot to print the sheet I put together on the herbs for her.*
I have always known I am a mother. When I was little I wanted kids of my own (even after helping my mom with my little sister, who is 7 1/2 years younger than I) As the years have gone by I have been blessed with step kids who I will always love. And my other halfs kids who know me as mama Ellen. But that feeling that I should have one of my own is still there, yes I will be ok if I can't have one. But I can't even describe the feeling, it is not a longing, it is not a wish or desire. I just feel like I am to have one. The feeling is honestly the same today as it was when I was 10... it is not about having someone to love me (I have that, both from my kids, good friends and in my relationship with my other halfs).
But I know if I ever get pregnant, I am going to have a hard time getting excited about it (don't want to get my hopes up, or deal with the pain of loss again) and my biggest fear is that it will effect the baby in some way.
In the same way it hurts to see those around me getting pregnant without trying, or very little trying. I had a melt down emotionally when I was told by some friends, they had gotten pregnant and were going to abort. I must clarify that the melt down was about me not them and they made the choice they needed to, for health and personal reasons.
In some ways I have dealt with this really well, in other ways I have not dealt with it at all.. I can logically tell myself that until the last one @ 34, that it was for the best.  But logic and the heart are 2 vary different things.

Buy Local and hand made

Last week's post went in a completely different direction than I was intending. So let's try this again. Buying local is sometimes rather difficult. But in my mind buying from a small business or artist is the same thing. Handmade stuff is unique. By buying from small businesses you aren't just making the CEO richer. Don't get me wrong, I shop at Walmart and other big chains, but we are trying to get away from that.
We have some of our creations in a little store in Reno called Buy Nevada First. As much as I agree with the theory of always buying local I also realize that in practice it is harder than it used to be. Not every town has a local butcher or a local stationary store. So while I think it is vitally important to support your local area, I also think that we need to be supporting small business across the country.  If we can cut dependence on mega corporations then I believe we will be taking the first steps to being a great nation again.

Relaxation and thoughts

So this weekend we took a little time away and visited some hot springs. It was lots of fun. we camped in the desert, and cooked with the fire.. all with frequent breaks to soak in the hot springs :) the relaxation was awesome, but the allergies are NOT! we are all sick and miserable :( but this too shall pass.. it is making us all irritable and grumpy.. the kids have it also, Little girl is the worst (we have taken her to the DR and should have antibiotics for her soon wanted some blood work first, double ear infection. poor girl)

Ellen's Work in Progress...

Lisa and I have been working on some shawls and they are looking GOOD! we are having fun with some yarn we found for a good price. We wanted crochet ones as they are faster for us to pick up and put down (Kids, need I say more....) we went over several ideas before we settled on the patterns we did.. I have been wanting to do a fan shawl and the Really cool pattern I found was not one that can be worked in rows, each fan was worked then the yarn cut and re-attached. We don't like patterns like that as the every time the yarn is cut the finished product is weaker. We like our items to be as strong as possible so that they hold up better.  We don't want people to need to buy another item from us because it came out or our workmanship was lacking. We like people to buy from us again as our items hold up, wear well and they like the items. So many items we can buy these days are designed to be used and bought again. This idea is seen as the "norm" buy cheap and when it gives out go get another one.. I don't like this at all. I like to buy quality and then a get upset when it gives out after 10-15 years of regular use. I can thank my dad for this thought.. he taught me to spend $$ on shoes, but to only have a couple pair. To buy the good quality fabric, but get mix and match pieces so a few items can look like a large wardrobe.. It was this thought that has driven me to work until I can say that my design is as sturdy and will hold up as well as possible. Now that my dad is not with us it seems to be that I am working even harder on the little details of the way I do things, to make them function better, last longer and look better doing it.
As with all patterns we use we made some changes so that is lays better and will hold up better.. I have not decided what kind of border to put on it yet, other then it will have all 3 colors in it. Lisa is the same on the edging..

Lisa's Work in Progress

The funny thing is that the blue is the same yarn and yet it looks so different with the other colors. Lisa is getting close to the edging (about 2 more repeats) I have farther to go. About 15 more repeats, but my repeats are smaller, the shawls are about the same # done and you can see that Lisa's is larger. We hope that the bright colors will help the younger generation to see the fun and versatility in some of the items that are not seen as much now.
I started out going to go a totally different direction with this post but that is the way writing goes some times. you start out thinking about Z and end up with Q..

Swiffer and other reusable mop Sizes

Green Swiffer with our dust cover on it

We love all things reusable and simple we are making and selling Swiffer covers and we have a Libman Freedom that we use at home. Yet the sizes of the others are hard to find, yet we need to have them handy so we can make sure that we are selling the right sizes to the right people. I went looking for the size of the Swiffer Wet Jet today and it took me a LONG time to find a site that gave me size and any other info, I knew it had sprayers on the mop head but did not have a good idea of where. So I decided that I needed to look them all up so others would be able to find them easier than I did, and for our reference.

All sizes are in Inches and some are estimates as I have not been able to measure them myself, I did look at several yesterday and know that the sizes are at least close and the designs should work. I have also added any info that I find helpful for making covers. Please let me know if there is any wrong  info and I will update the list.
I am working on a new design, one that will work for more than one mop, the size might have to be adjusted but that should be about all. I might post a photo tutorial on how to make them one of these days.. 

Libman Freedom with our Scrubby cover

Wear Creations 

Wear Creations on Amazon (expanding product offering here soon)

original green Swiffer has a mop size of 10x5...

Swiffer XL 18x8

Swiffer Wet Jet 11.3x 5.5(needs not to close over the ends as the jets are about an inch from the end)

StarMop 17.5x5

E-cloth Deep Clean Mop 17.5x5.25

O'Cedar ProMist10.5x5

Libman Freedom 15x5

Rubbermade Reveal 16x5.5

Linkyo Pro 15x5 (need flat 15x8)

Affects of Buying Local

There are campaigns all across the country to buy local. I totally agree with that. We are trying to do our part in buying local. When shopping for our family we have two things we look at, price and is it local. Because we live on a tight budget, price is usually a very important factor.  But if the price isn't very different we do our best to buy local. There are even some things that we do with less so that we can buy local, such as meat. We buy our meat from a local butcher. The cost is a little bit more, so we don't eat as much meat.
I say all this as a lead up to Wear Creations as a local business. It may not be local to each of you, but it is local. Our family depends on local businesses. Whether you know it or not you do to. All those little specialty items that big box stores don't carry, you find those at local shops. Or you don't find them. Yes the internet has an answer to most of our needs, but what if you need it now?
We all need that little place that has a bit of everything. And if we all just spent a few dollars there, it might just make a difference.
We've all heard how supporting local makes such a difference, but how many of us realize what it means to the people running those businesses.
Here is what it means to us. If someone buys a bag we made, we can buy a plant for our yard. If someone buys a shawl we can get some the wood to finish the deck, when we then turn around and put it into another local company it makes a difference again. Those kinds of "little things"  make all the difference to a local company.
Take a look at our local butcher, not only do they have local meat, but also the employees are local. When we decide after a day at the craft fair to have a cookout and go get our hamburger from them, we take the money invested in our company and invest it not in just a local company but in people.
This is the kind of difference that buying locally achieves. In the last 2 years we have increased our local shopping and cut down on big box stores (I would say they might not even notice we spend less with them) we are happier seeing our friends doing good, than we were saving  $10 here and there.

The end and the start of planning

The title sounds like it is reversed.. it is.. that was the plan :)

This week has been one of those weeks.. my brain says I need more sleep and my body says HAHA not happening. The joys of living with pain every day (NOT!!) I never know how each day will go. Some days are okay as long as I move slowly (meaning not a long time spent on my feet, or trying to clean) other days are a little better where I can go for several hours before I sit down. If I do much more then that even on a good day I will pay for it. That is what happened this week.. I over did it last week (for a good reason but still over did it). but that is more than enough about the challenges in my life...

I made the title silly because we finished a book that we were reading to plan,  and yet we find that after reading it,  we have lots more planning to do.  But that is not a bad thing. The planning is all about moving to a place where we can spread out (1 acre is not enough space for us,  and the neighbors are way too close)

Yule 2015

We are looking at saving Money for the property and the start of our homes on it (yes, more than one) so for the last 2 days Lisa and I have been playing with compounding interest and different types of accounts to save money. while this has been for a 9 year plan, it has been FUN!! With all that we have been doing both in our personal missions, and with Wear Creations being able to add this dream is HUGE! Getting a place that we can spread out and have breathing room is the life dream of some and the general feeling that we must be able to live off the land to survive...

The survival I am speaking of is not as much about personal, but about making the world we want our grandkids to live in, remembering our  heritage, and the spiritual path we follow. This is so much more than just eating and housing, the old arts our ancestors had that we now take for granted as we can buy anything and everything. The food that we plant/grow/harvest/butcher and eat. The cycle of life, the cycle of the seasons. All the things that are fast being forgotten. We need to keep them alive, and use them to teach the next generation.  So we have kids that grow up to be adults not kids in adult bodies, like so many do now.

Owls, foxes and turtles, oh my

For the last year or so I have been on an owl kick. We have our owl bag and an owl hat and cowl set. I'm just finishing up an owl scarf. I want to make an owl lovie, but haven't had the opportunity yet. There are so many things we want to make and only so many hours in the day. Also I am wanting to branch out to foxes and turtles. I will always love owls, but I think I want to go on a fox or turtle kick for a while. Or maybe both. There are so many things out there just begging to be made. It's just a matter of choosing which one we will do first.

We love to create and we are learning how to balance our lives to make sure we have the time. We do a little bit at a time. In the day to day living it really doesn't seem like we spend that much time knitting or crocheting, but looking at what we have accomplished in just the last 4 months it adds up to quite a bit. Let's hope the next 4 months are just as fruitful.

Things coming together slowly

We have never really had a place to do our crafty things.. that is not to say that there has never been a time that we have had places but it never seems to last, some other need for the space is found and we have to give up or share. A year ago we got a shipping container and the plan was for it to be part our crafty area and part storage for the garage (so the actual garage can be used for working on cars/trucks/motorcycles rather then just holding things)
Over the last year we have worked on it little by little and it is starting to feel like our space!! we have started to empty out Saga's room so that she has a room to use and I got to unpack a bunch of my boxes from the bus (a short bus that needs repair that has been a storage area for us) Unpacking was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I got to see old friends (books) that belonged to my great grandparents and that made me smile. I also found a book with my baby cards/announcements in it that made me cry. The page I turned too was the one with my fathers artwork on it. The announcement he designed that was never used.. something about me making my arrival a month early and a kind soul at church making the announcements for my parents (or something like that). As it has not been that long since his passing it hit me like a ton of bricks. so I set it aside and kept unpacking. before I knew it I found a book that made me smile again. Now we have moved most of the books to their new homes and filled a 8 ft long and 8 ft tall bookshelf that was made for us (and the top shelf for paperbacks is 3 deep...) and finally most of our books are out where we can get to them.. there are still a few here and there that need homes but we are getting there.
I can tell I am the daughter of book worms, I judge the homey quality of a place by the books... Hehe
We have also started getting our crafty stuff out there and organized as we go so that (gasp!) we know where things are!!! so now when we need something we know where to look and all that...
I do not have any pictures of it and part of that is that we have been so busy working on it and partly because my phone is being a turd and not saving pictures half of the time... grrr.. gotta nurse it for 4 more months..
So I will put in a picture of the Rose I kept from dad service in MI. I dipped it in wax several times and Honey made me a stand for it. The Oil lamp is just the perfect setting for it (My dad was a history buff, and one place we lived growing up we had to use them). I also put the Shell from Bampa (also passed) with it. This remembrance sits above my head as I sleep.. So they know I will always remember them, and keep them close to my heart..

Dreams, continued

I can never say it too much. We have big dreams. I have dreamed of owning a company called Wear Creations for as long as I can remember. I don't remember what the first incarnation of the idea was, but at one point it was fashion design. Another time it was crocheting. And wood working. Now that Wear Creations is a legal business, we are working hard to grow it to match our dreams. These dreams may not seem huge to most people, but to us they are. The first one is for the business to make a profit. Then we want to make enough to pay a few bills and save money. Just enough to help out around the house. Save money so we can buy a nice piece of property and start a homestead. After living for so long from paycheck to paycheck.  This would be huge for us. And slowly but surely we are getting there. Stay tuned for bigger and better things to come.

Learning

Over the past few weeks Lisa and I have been reading books about learning as Tryggvi is getting on to that age (he will be 5 this year!) and Saga will not be left behind...
What is fun is what we are learning about ourselves and what we have yet to learn. and how we need to start with us and show the kids that learning never stops. before you know it they will be on board with learning. If we do not start with us then the kids will not see learning as life long. We both want them to have a love of learning like ours where we never want to stop.. the catch for us is not lean not to push them but to guide them (first and foremost by showing the example).
As we have started to spend more time in our books (both fun reading and learning) we are seeing that the kids are wanting to spend more and more time looking at books and wanting us to read to them all the time!! this is wonderful!
the next step for us is to start a routine (gag) so that the kids know what part of the day we are on and what they can expect.. and this age mostly play and being read to, with chores and other needed things tossed in.
I know as we learn more and more we will post more on this as we are still in the learning process also.
One of the largest challenges we have with that is not us but others. Those that want the kids to be reading (or close) by now.. this makes our challenge helping them to understand why we are doing things the way we are. We are not the best at trying to explain it.. but we try. Tryggvi is not ready to read, but going over the alphabet once is ok, maybe twice if he is interested.  He is still having issues with simple numbers and some sounds, so we try to help him with those when he wants to (and a little other times). He is not SLOW or behind he is being a little boy just like he should. He does not need to focus on things for a long time yet! His brain is just starting to make some of the connections needed to focus for more than a few seconds. We need to make the most of each teaching opportunity. This means learning to stop what we are doing when that moment arrives. not always easy to say the least. but the kind of education we want our kids to have is one that is better than the one we got at that age (not trying to say ours was bad, but that we want to build on it).
Over all I think that we are well on our way to teaching leaders and thinkers.. I look forward to continuing to helping them develop.

Dreams

I know I've said it before, it always bears repeating. We have big dreams, both for Wear Creations and for ourselves.  The more we talk about these dreams, the more we plan and work on making them come true. So much has happened in the last year, but it is stuff we have been talking about and working on for several years. It just reinforces our ideas that we can do so much if we put in the time and effort to make it work.

4/22/16 For some reason part of this post was gulped by the word fairy... will get it fixed soon...

Love in different ways

I have always had trouble falling asleep @ night, growing up it was a curse as my dad did not understand how someone could stay awake after their head hit the pillow.. now I am naughty and spend time on the internet/ my phone when I am trying to will my body to sleep. The other night I came across this picture..

It started me thinking about my history with love and how true it is that love does not die, but sometimes it does not get replenished or reciprocated. But while looking @ my last break up I can see that the love was there from both of us, but the other could not see it. That then got me thinking about a book. This book has changed the way I look at relationships. Both romantic and not.. I have learned from this how to be a better friend, lover, and person.  I had read it before, but I have learned this 2nd part just in the last few months.. that is all people involved in the relationship must be on board with learning how to show love to others... because if one person is working on the relationship and the other is not then there will be little to no forward progress. 
The book is the 5 Love Languages. By Gary Chapman. It talks about how we all feel love in different ways and most of the time your language is not the same as your spouse. 
Over the last few months we have sat down and read it aloud in the evenings (not all but semi regularly) while we have not gotten far in the book, we are all seeing how growing and learning  can be beneficial for all of us.. and how the kids are going to see us learning how to show love in other ways, they can see how family should work.  Not saying that we never fight... but that we are always working on our relationship(s)

Anticipation

For the last month or so, Ellen and I have been waiting with bated breath. Finally this week we got the email we had been wanting to see. Handmade by Amazon has opened the Accessories department.  Since this is the category that most of our work falls under, we are going to be busy getting everything up in the next few weeks. We have most of it up on our website, but this way we should be able to reach a wider audience.
As I look back at the last year, I see how far we have come. Our personal lives have been really rough, yet Wear Creations has become a much more solid reality. It feels like the universe is compensating our personal losses with business success. That success doesn't make up for loosing our fathers, but it does provide a kind of balance in life.
So our exciting news this week will be followed by an announcement soon that all of our bags, shawls, and other stuff is available on Amazon.com. So stay tuned.

Change...

With all the "firsts" Lisa and I have been dealing with, and will deal with for most of the year.. it got me thinking about change. Change can be hard! But without change we are not growing, without growing we are dieing. The last part of that comes from my great grandmother Danie. She always said that the day you stop learning is the day you start dieing, as I have grown up I can see how true that is. As a kid learning is a given, you are always learning. Then when you finish school you think you are done learning, but the real learning is just starting (more about learning/school in later blogs.. as both Lisa and I have thoughts about that)
What has been sticking with me the last few days is how change is painful, fun, stressful... the range of emotions that it causes. Loosing our dads is the unpleasant side, watching the kids grow up is the fun side... we both want to keep working on learning and growing so we don't stagnant and start dieing. The things we have done just in the last year have proven that we are doing just that! In the last year we have done a lot with our business (not making money as much as learning) we have done things outside to improve our house. We have done a lot of work to the inside of the house to improve function. We almost have a functioning craft room. We have put in time and energy to spritual learning (and always feel like we need more time on that one). We are always putting in time and energy to helping the kids learn. We are putting in time and energy into relationships, both romantic and non. All this has changed us, but I think we are better people now than a year ago...

What started my thinking on this..

Firsts

This last week was rough for me. Friday would have been my father's 70th birthday. This was the first major thing without him. In the past we always had Japanese food to celebrate. We had pizza that night at my request. I knew bringing up memories would not be a good idea. But it got me thinking about traditions and legacies. Again.
My dad had a desk job for most of his life, but I remember him as an outdoor person. He cut and split wood for our stove. He took us camping every chance we had. He taught me the stars. He could identify every bird. Trees were no problem. I hope I teach my kids half as much as he taught me.
With that in mind I have been thinking about my own education in the things I want to be able to teach my kids. So in this year of firsts, I am going to working on me. Learning or relearning the things I want to pass on to my kids.

Traditions of summer...

This time of year has me thinking a lot about family traditions. I know that many people do not see this time of year to be the one to think about this... but it has been in my head for a few weeks.. With Lisa and I dealing with a lot of firsts this year (First year with out our dads...) we are looking more and more to what we did as children and how we can keep that alive with our kids. Yes, I have no biological kids of my own.. but I am lucky to be a part of a family where that is a detail not a rule. I have step-kids from my last marriage whom I will love until I die, and Lisa's kids are mine, they even call me Mommy Ellen half the time, the rest of the time it is Auntie Ellen. last weekend we dyed eggs and celebrated spring. it was a lot of fun, family time!

Growing up we never did much this time of year, but we always had lots to do for the 4th of July.. One of the last texts I sent my dad was a pict of blueberry pie. that was his favorite and I knew he was not doing good when he did not even respond.. it was before we knew what was going on, but it was a sad sign for me. I saved them so I can look back to them later.. even if doing so about made me cry. The pain of loosing a parent is deep, but I can learn from it, I will learn from it. I will keep working on me, to become a better person each and every year. Some one that I know he would be proud of, even if he disagrees with the path that I follow. I follow the path that feels right to me. (that can lead into a whole new post... but this is not the time for that)

Once again what I started out to write about changed as I wrote.. I had been thinking about things we did as a family and all the fun we had.. Spring and Summer were the times that we spent outside. The times that I remember most, hiking, canoeing(I had a dislike of that one for a LONG time!... something about when I went out with dad we always capsized....) camping, Pitching tents for meetings... the list goes on and on.. time spent together is what is boils down to...

Character Bags, the beginning

About 4 years ago I made our first character bag. It was a jack-o-lantern bag. That one was pink and purple for a friend's little girl. I had a pattern for that one. Little did I know that that little bag would be the start of Wear Creations becoming a reality. Now we design all kinds of bags. First we were asked to make a snowman, and about that time we were working on a cat. From there it has blossomed into the majority of our work. Designing and selling these bags has given us the money and courage to branch out and try more things. It has taken us from a few local craft fairs to starting our own website to getting our stuff in a store in Reno, NV to getting on Amazon. The last half of 2015 and the first couple of months of 2016 were really rough personally, but for our business they were exciting times. We got all the paperwork done for our business license. We got our stuff in the store. We were accepted by Amazon. And to think we owe it all to a little jack-o-lantern bag. All that we have now started with that little bag. Each year we do better at each of the craft fairs. And I expect that this year will be no exception. Last year we actually had a customer come looking for us. The year before she had purchased a pumpkin bag. Last year she purchased five more bags, and put in her requests for this year. Thanks to her, we are designing a Santa bag and a witch bag and a few others. 

Locally we have found our little niche. It may take us a few years to find our niche in our other ventures, but just like our little bags made our place here, it will find us. And when it does it will probably take us by surprise. 

The exchange of energy

This weekend Lisa and I got to spend some time with a friend who we have not been able to see for almost 2 years. Long story short He was in an accident where someone died and he was found responsible. We were finally approved for visits, so we went just as soon as we could.
Last night I was thinking about how odd we were in the visiting room. Most of the others were talking non stop or when they were done the visitors left. Lisa and I stayed the WHOLE time and we talked but we also just sat together. As I was thinking about it we were talking the whole time but not with words. Our energies were mingling and making sure that he was okay. We left with a feeling that is unlike any other. We knew we would be there for him no matter how long, but now we know that this is doable, and that he is still him, while this has changed him he is growing from it not sinking in it. He is using the situation to make him a stronger person and is looking back on what happened with clearer eyes. Seeing what he did and did not do that led to the accident (and I am not talking about that night but other things that he did not see as an issue then, but now can see it was the first step that led him to the choices that led to the accident).
The part that makes me sad is that his partner of MANY years is not able to see him. I know that she is upset that we can and she cannot but I don't think that she knows that we wish she could. I hope that we can find away to get her approval also. I know that would help both of them.

Thinking about the energy has given me a new way of thinking about talking and while I have known about this for a long time and am a firm believer in its use. I have a new understanding of it. Energy is alive, it is a thing you can't 100% control. But intention is everything. If you are doing something that you do not want to be doing your energy will tattle on you, if you are resistant to what is going on your energy will show it... If you are doing something for the right reasons your energy will show it. This unspoken language is something not everyone can listen to, and the amount that a person can read varies. I am reasonable but I am not an expert in it, I am still learning, growing and experiencing. While we were visiting I saw people who were there because they felt they needed to be there, those that were doing something because they felt bad for the person, and people who were there because they wanted to be. Those that were there for the right reasons were more animated and seemed to have fun. Their energy was bubbly and happy, not sullen and grumpy. we made those that were not there for the right reasons a little more uncomfortable.. oops... we were not trying to, but our energies were more dominate in the small space.
As I try to type out my thoughts on the use of energy for communication, I am seeing that they are not yet solid, but they are coming together. I think I need to spend more time on this thought before it is something that I can explain to others in a way that is understandable. So there will be more to follow on this when the thoughts gel more...

Dolls, books and our crazy life

Last week I needed a new project, and I have been wanting to make a doll. A few weeks ago I was in our favorite locally owned book store and found a book called My Crochet Doll. It has one doll pattern and then all kinds of outfits for her. Our 2 year old thinks everything we make is for her (her 4 year old brother thinks the same thing) and the new doll is no exception. At the moment we are making her a St. Patrick's Day out fit. I usually do the crocheting and Ellen puts it together. Well we had the doll with us when we went to see one of our doctors. We found out really quick that she collects dolls, so we are going to do a doctor outfit and doll for her. As with most patterns we are already modifying and changing this one to fit our needs and make it easier for us to make. It has been years since I have followed a pattern exactly as it was written. I have even started writing my own patterns. One of these days I want to work on nothing but design for a while. For now I am happy to modify others pattern, as I don't have the time to really concentrate on design. Life has a way of steering me where I need to go. 

The doll and her book got me thinking about all this and how recently I have been steered back to where I really want to go. Last year at this time I was not really being creative. I was struggling to organize my time so that the household did not fall apart. It felt like there was so much to do. Now, just one year later, the house may not stay spotless, but at least it isn't a disaster most of the time. I spend at least a little time each day creating. It may only be one row or a few lines of a pattern written, but its something. Wear Creations, the company I dreamed up as a teenager and named way back when, is a reality. We have a business license and all the proper paperwork. Our creations are in a store in Reno, NV called Buy Nevada First and on Handmade by Amazon. Those two have happened in just the last three months. 

I still have dreams for the future. But I am on my way, and if this is as far as I get to go, if I get stuck here, then I will be happy. I believe in dreaming big, but taking baby steps to get there. Shoot for the moon and if I miss then at least I will land among the stars.

Long week.. lots of ideas..

This week has been a long one, the house got sick and anyone that has kids understands what that means.. thankfully we are on the mend, but yuk!!! So the to do list this week has gotten longer and longer not shorter...
I dislike to do lists, but if I do not have it written down I will not remember that it needs done. I have used apps on my phone, and even an old palm(tm) to keep track.. but I keep going back to paper.. for some reason seeing things marked off on paper is more satisfying than having them disappear, or get checked off on the phone. I find that paper also helps me to prioritize better. I know people that the apps are better for them, that is good! find what works for you and run with it!! there are many things in life that there is no right or wrong ways to do, but each person has what is best for them.. from my years in retail I can say that 2 or more people in an area with different methods is normal and can cause a headache for the boss. But when they work together and find a method that can work for the area, then the real work starts to get done...
Hmm.. that gets me thinking about how people work together, and the learning process that can be. We live in a "unconventional" household, several generations, single, married, kids... but I think that gives us a stronger foundation to work on. oh yes, we have our disagreements and the one thing we always say is that we will work together to solve the issues, some issues are with 2 members others with 3 and still others with 4 or more. But the family we have here is stronger for us all being here. My mother also lives in a home like that and the same thing works (the process is different, but the outcome is the same). There it is again.. the process is different.. each member of the family has to keep growing and learning to keep the process going. The day one stops is the day that the system starts to fail.
Food for thought.. what have I done today to keep learning and growing? is it a new skill? a new way of looking at an old problem? a book that made you think? something someone said that lit the bulb? the options are limitless, as long as we are looking to grow and learn for ME.

Epiphany

After several nights of not being able to sleep, I wasn't exactly thrilled at another sleepless night. My back was acting up again and nothing I took put the slightest dent in the pain. So I went trolling around on pintrest to see what was new. There wasn't much except an article about how we are killing crochet. With all the free stuff online it's getting harder and harder to make a living in the craft world. Instead of paying for a class you can go on YouTube and learn the techniques for free. As for patterns, you can find almost anything online for free. And don't get me started on all the people that undervalue their work.
I didn't agree with everything the article said, I am more of the opinion that the craft business community needs to adapt to the availability that the Internet provides. Classes can focus on a project or on design. Books and patterns need to be multifunctional to appeal to those of us willing to spend money on such things.
It may take a new generation of crafters to see these changes made. But we crafters are a hardy lot. We will survive. We will adapt and change and grow.

Thoughts

The last few weeks I have had lots of things running in my head..
With both Lisa and I loosing our dads with in 6 months of each other, my outlook on many things has changed. I am wanting those I love to know it every day, I cherish the days I have, and try not to put off things that are really important.
This last month I have had several conversations that have helped with some things I wanted to make sure were clear to all, I have been working toward several things I have wanted most of my life...
The day coming up this weekend is one of those that most people like to go out and buy things to show their love.. I have issues with this, not that I dislike getting things or buying things for others. but that people think that is what they should be doing. I like the special things that are done anytime, not because of a day. My dad liked to get Mama flowers, and he did it most Fridays, but I know that there are times he would just because.. now that he is not here us kids are trying to do random things for Mama, just so she remembers that we care, even when she is feeling the worse. Those are the things that speak to love, not just one day a year (or 2 or 3 if you count birthdays and other special days).
This year John, Lisa, and I are planing on getting away for a day or so for this holiday, but more that it is a reason to, not that we think we have to. But I am working on plans for things that I can do all year long to show my love. Right now I have knitting projects for some people, and other ideas for some. There are still those that I have no ideas for, but I will keep thinking...
My challenge for this year is to find little ways to show my love all year..

Creating vs.Depression

I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few months. It all started when my dad passed away in July.  He loved working with his hands. I guess that's where I get it from. And then today someone in one of the facebook groups I'm in asked about personal passion and how other busy mothers fit that in. My thoughts went all over the place. One thing that stuck me was that when I don't follow my passions, if I'm not creating something, with my hands or with my mind, I sink into depression. In our house we make time for creativity. It may not be much. It may be 5 minutes between chores. We always have something with us when we go to the doctor. Those dead times are perfect for working with our hands. There are times when I have a ball of yarn in my pocket or bag and my knitting needles or crochet hook in my hands. That works for times when standing in line is necessary.
The holidays were a rough time in our house. As I mentioned I lost my dad in July. My sister found out in November that her father had stage 4 lung cancer. So the holidays were spent traveling back and forth. And in January he passed away. Our minds have turned more and more to our creative sides. That is what we both learned from our fathers. Both of them had careers that were mainly intellectual, but they both enjoyed working with their hands and creating things. They put so much love into things they created. Whether it was something they wrote or something they built, they put so much of themselves into it. It was just part of who they were.
Now we both feel like that part has passed down to us. Our creative outlets may be different that our fathers were. But we still carry the tradition on. Creativity is in our blood. It is part of who we are. Without it we are only half a person. I think that is why I have to be creating something or I start sliding into depression.

Daddy-o

This week is most likely the last week my dad has on this earth.. it seems that the treatments he endured did not slow his cancer.. I have known for a week or so that I needed to spend the time to write a letter to my dad, but I have not done it because the thought makes me cry.
But today I have all these words running in head, the memories, all the little things that made him a great dad.
I think it is time to work on some words.. but it is hard when no words express what I feel.....

1/14/16 8:31 AM PST

Update 2/4/16
Little did I know that my thoughts were right on, My father passed just 24 hours from my post. the next 10 days was spent crossing the country and crying.

on a happy note I am in closer contact with my step-mom then I have before. Part because I am wanting to make sure I check on her every couple of days and part because she wants to fill her time with family. I managed to write a little for my sister that she then edited into the life sketch.. all of us kids added to it in different ways.

This is what I messaged My little sis.

Thinking about dad, I think of stories, learning, working on cars, listening to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor @ full volume, making Adventist History come alive, Singing, Sleeping in a tent with snow on the ground, pitching Camp meeting tents, "helping" build fire breaks, and so many other things.. but what I hold closest to my heart is his Smile and Laugh. He always knew how to make me laugh when I wanted to cry, and to how to laugh at myself. Til we meet again, on that fine morning, I love you and always will.

I also have a story that is dad to the core.... I was about 2 and we had just moved to Norwalk, I did not know everyone yet and when I could not find my mom I went to get Daddy... he was preaching at the time and I just walked up the isle to ask him if he knew where mom was. rather then get upset with me he picked me up and kept right on preaching. years later his reaction to me that day brought a lady to church and she told me that it was me that caused her to want to learn about God, but I know it was not me, but God using Dad to show His love..

I also have been writing a letter to him in diary form, as things come to mind that I really wanted to tell him I jot them down, I had several things that I had wanted to talk to him about before he passed and after that I was never able to.