Thankful November....

I see on Facebook all the posts where people are saying they are thankful for this and that. and while I have never done the daily posting like many I usually think about it most the month.
This year has been hard for me, looking back I thought last year was hard and in ways it was but this year is teaching me more and those lessons seem to be harder for me to learn.
So I am struggling with being positive this month but I am struggling, meaning I have not given up. I do not plan on giving up. I am a fighter and while I might take longer then I like to learn my lessons I will learn them!!!
I look back and in the last year I have learned a lot about me and who I am, what I have to offer the world and my friends and how to use it better. I still have a lot more learning to go but I feel like I am starting to trust in myself more now than ever before. I do not tend to share much about that as some people feel differently about it and out of respect for them I do not want to share it. but I am working on a writing project about it (it is on the back burner right now to another project).

Looking forward the next few months hold many challenges, decisions that have to be made, about where to live when the lease is up, how to afford a place, lots of things there, but I have guides to help me and I am sure that the right path will be shown me. even if it is not the path I want... I trust that I cannot plan every detail and that I must go with the flow but I will do my best to prepare for every path I can see so I have as much done before as I can.
 I thought I would share a video of one of my furry friends who keep me company and loves on me when I am down.. This one is special cause he is about 17 and playing like a kitten here, with my knee brace LOL, I think it got catnip on it somehow..

Bampa

This past Halloween my Grandfather aka Bampa passed away. I knew that his passing would hit me even if in many ways I had grieved for him already. It still has not hit but I know it will and I am not trying to stop it or ignore it.
Part of my writing this is to maybe get that rolling, as I know it needs to.
I wanted to not focus on the last years of his life when he did not know anyone but rather remember the good times.
He is my first grand parent to pass so in that I am vary lucky. He was almost 83 I believe (I could be a year off)

He always had a candy bar somewhere (that G'ma aka Bobbi did not know about) and if I asked nicely I could get him to share it with me (as long as my dad and Bobbi did not know about it) I always seems to find them (he never did find out how I did that, I was a snoopy kid and would look, but most of the time he was right here when I did it so it was not like I was hiding it)

He loved to watch TV, I remember when he came to visit one time eating pizza and watching TV (and playing Sonic) at Aunt Tina's house. Things I did not get to do at home.

I loved hearing him sing, he did not like his voice but I did, now that I have had something happen to mine I understand his dislike of his, cause it was not what it had been before, but I did not know it before and I liked it just the way it was.

I remember that he let my little sister (who was really little at the time) pick out the dishes he got when he moved back to UT before Bobbi (she had to finish the school year, teaching)

I remember his love of raw potatoes (one he passed down to me, odd I know but memories now)

I remember how loving he was in his own way, kind and loved to spoil us.

I remember his love for buying in bulk to get a better price (even if he only needed one like the honey severs, he got a gross <144> and everyone had them and there were still leftovers)

I remember his love for pens, he always had lots of different ones (another thing I got from him)

I remember that he was a Notary, and when my dad had to take his seal back to the police office (when my grandparents got divorced he left it so my dad needed to turn it in)

Most important I will always remember his hugs.

RIP Bampa, until we meet again.