This week has been full of emotion, I found that I had some things that needed dealing with. this came up when I found some friends who I have not had contact with for years. I was over joyed to find them again, but then I realized that I had hurt to deal with. I don't blame, there was reasons for losing touch... some of them on my side. But boy did I hurt not getting to know if they were safe, and how they were doing. Now that I have been dealing with that I started taking a walk down memory lane.
All the people that I know who I have not talked to for years, mostly because I am not the person they knew.
As things change so do we, In college I chose to start wearing jewelry, after many hours of bible study I decided that as long as it did not become a stumbling block for me then it was ok. I also have let myself fully drop the mask I starting wearing so many years ago. I let myself watch what I want, say what I want and eat what I want. But the Me that is now is so different from the mask, that many of my friends from years ago don't even know they know me when I see them. One person only knew because I was with my cousin, and they saw her more often.
I would love to reconnect with old friends, but I am not sure they would like the real me. So I am happy to know they are safe and will let them decide if they want to get to know the real me, I will friend them on social media so they can see me and I will talk to them but the ball is in their court. I am blessed with friends who like the real me so I am not without...
I wrote out my major life events and I have them saved, but I am not sure that I am ready to share that in full (I have left out names and places) so I will save it for another time.
alright so it has been about a week since i read this sorry it took so long to respond but i knew it wasn't going to be a short response and with the baby i don't always get long lengths of time to type.
ReplyDeleteI think you are short changing those who know you and care about you... of course there is going to be the stick in the mud that never really knew you or cared to begin with. There is no doubt that you have made different life choices than some of those people however I really didn't read anything shocking or other than what i had figured out before you left ww. I don't know about other people you have met through your life but i know that the core of the SS class friends from ww and that part of your life care about you... Ellen you and i don't agree on religious or life style views at the moment but that doesn't mean that i don't love you or wouldn't love to spend time with you. I think you would be surprised the people that truly care about you even though you don't agree on life style choices. (at least the friends you made at the ss in ww)
I still feel very blessed to have had you as my 1st room mate at ww. God worked that all out and i'm very thankful. anyway...just know you are very loved. never doubt that!!
hehe :) Jenn you are a great friend! (as are all my friends from WW)I was thinking of several from many years years past.. (when I was little and a pre-teen) ones that have gone a different way then I and thought that I was on the same path as they were. It is not majority of my friends but just those that I don't know how to interact with given that background. I feel odd trying to talk to them now... but more because of they way they treat me..
ReplyDeleteI had started to drop my mask when I about 1 year before I started at WW so ya'll know me not that mask :)(I had a group that did know me without the mask before but not the majority, the funny thing is we are more a like now then back then...)
The main reason I even wrote this was to deal with my feelings about ~5 people who I want to have in my life but they seem to think I am not someone they want around... so that is why I came to peace about my feelings and it is up to them now.. I will not push but I will be there if they want to be my friends again.