Memories and Masks part 2

I shared the whole of what I wrote yesterday with my hubby and I decided to go ahead and post the life events... now this is the readers digest condensed version but these events are the ones that stand out the most to me as having a MAJOR intact on making me who I am today, I am still learning from the past as I see more with each passing year. I strive to learn from what has happened so that I can react better to what happens around me now.
This is expressed in a way that people who don't know me will have a hard time finding out the who and where, I also tried to share the way I see things now, so some bad things are put in a better light (part of that is also that I did not want to get into those, but not ignore that they were there) This is a little insight into me for those who wish to read it :)

The story goes like this:I am the daughter of a minister so I was seen as the example so I had to act right, proper, like a lady.. and so on. I was not an evil kid and I like to please people so I became to person that I "should be". I had a great childhood and I had friends, but about age 8 I started seeing that I was different then the image I "needed to portray" Yes, my little sister arriving had something to do with that but as much as we fought over the years, I love her LOTS and would not changed a thing about her. She taught me that I have a built in mothering instinct and I love to use it :) at this time most of my friends were not my age as I did not fit in with the girls (I was a tom boy) and the boys did not want me around most of the time, there were some that I was friends with but I did not get to see them as much. I also had some issues with the boys wanting me to do things that I did not want to do (yes, things that should not be..) thankfully my friends stood up for me and while the pressure was there still, the question was never asked again. So I started spending more time with my mom's friends and several other older people. I got vary close to one and while that was odd given the age difference and looking back I feel like I was a 3rd wheel most of the time, I also have loads of great, fun memories, and it was easy to say that there was someone watching the dating pair :) After they got married things changed, but not in a bad way. I was ecstatic to find out they were expecting! I saved all my allowance and got them a nice car seat, cause I wanted to give a gift, but also cause I wanted the little one to be safe (yes, I had my mom help me look up the safest models). I was so happy when she arrived, I loved that little one from the min. I knew she was on her way. but then when she was still a baby, they packed up and moved, at the time I was heartbroken, now I see the logic. We kept in touch here and there. I started feeling down more with them gone but I found another friend to help me (I tend to have 1 really close friend at a time, now I have a couple) but my life was about to change again. I found boys! they did not find me, so I was able to be friends with them better then most of the girls! I never told them that I liked them cause I just wanted to be close to them, to be on the "inside", getting info for the other girls. That method did not work... but that was ok with me. One of the guys I liked at this time had a girlfriend in a different state (or so he said) and I was able to spend more time with him for a few reasons. but I decided that he was not worthy of me when I saw the way he treated the kid brothers of another friend, I knew I wanted a guy that liked kids... this one did not! a few months later he tried something he should not have and I then despised him. That event sent me into a bad depression, I told no one for months about what happened not because I was ashamed but because of threats. that fall I found myself talking to someone about this person and she asked why I disliked him, I told her what happened and she told me he had tried something on her about a week after but she had not been threatened as there was no "need" in his eyes. I am thankful to a great friend who did everything she could to pull me from the grips of my depression, and little by little it worked, in a way... at home I did not change much still, but with time, and a piano to practice, I did. I started to excel in life again, I had friends my age, I was starting to really want to play the piano (meaning I practiced without being told, and many days 2 hours), and I started college at the local community college.Then my life changed again, we moved across the country and I went away to college... There I met my best friend of all time, and we are still trying to find out how we ever became friends, but we would not change it for anything. I also met the first man I would marry.. My first love... we spent many hours together and many hours apart with us in different states. I went across county again for school and he followed me when he was able, we then got married, and had lots of fun in the northwest. I then took him across the Rockies to see some family and we decided that side was where we wanted to be. We had been having some issues and I was hoping that moving would be a clean start, put the trouble behind us and move forward. So I found a job here and we moved. Sadly the trouble same along and things came to a breaking point in 2008 about 6 months before our 5 year anniversary. It broke my heart to tell him it is over, but I knew I could not be happy the way things were and after we had tried to work on them for several years the challenges were getting worse not better.. so I knew it was over...Yet another change... There was a guy at work who was a good friend, he was also leaving a relationship and we talked about it, (but only to each other as we did not want to be the people who spread rumors, even if we were just venting) I thought he was a cool guy but I would not even think about anything happening.. well, he had a truck and so I asked him to help move my Ex out of my place... so we talked for a while that evening and knew that we would give a relationship a try. we moved fast there is no doubt about that. But we had been talking at work for a year, so we had that background. I filed my divorce and it was final less then a month later.. just about that time my friend moved in with me and we were waiting on his divorce to be final (sadly that took a lot longer...) we got married about 2 weeks after his was final. we have now been together for almost 5 years..
This change gave me 3 step kids who I love. and all the challenges of being a step parent :) I told them from day one that I was not there to take their mother's place they had a mom, I was a bonus (or not sometimes if they were in trouble). This change has taught me more, and brought me more joy! We decided not to have any of our own (unless Mother Nature makes it so, when we are trying to prevent) because my step kids are of age and I  helped raise my sister so I did not feel that I was missing out. But more importantly for health reasons, I would have to go off my arthritis meds, and with the spot in my lower back I would not be able to move my right leg without crippling pain. So I am waiting for Grand kids to love on (but I am not in a rush, being a grandmother in my 30's is a little young LOL)