In 2017 I will ...

Quit being so hard on myself

Start the scanning process of our religious materials

Visit with the Gods and Goddesses often, making sure the path is well traveled.

Accept my faults and learn from them

Honor my ancestors

Make time for learning

See the good in the clouds

Learn the meaning of the runes

Give of my self

Eat for my health

Share my knowledge

Be in the moment

Study the Havamal

Grow my knowledge of healing arts

Invest in my education

Seek balance

Read more of our history

Face my insecurities

Validate my feelings

Go on more walks/ find a way to get exercise that does not lay me flat

Encourage those around me in the path

This is the same list that Lisa did the other day. She told me about it and her thoughts about why she wanted to do it. I jumped on board. Even John likes the idea. So tomorrow we are going to give the Kindred the idea and papers they can fill out. I added several as I found while thinking about what to put where I had several ideas come into my head. From Seek on were ones I added. Both Lisa and I changed act to study and have to share. That is the beauty of this idea each person can customize the list to what they want to work on.
My thoughts are this is a great way to help me change some of my bad habits for good ones, without trying to change it all in one day. Like topical New Years resolutions. This next year I am going to focus on me and making me the best me I can be.

New Year, New Me

I always think about new years resolution, but usually end up doing nothing because I want too much change in too little time. I know that would never work so I don't bother. This year, however, I was looking around on pintrest and something popped up that looked interesting. I followed the link and and read the person's ideas and ended up making some minor changes to make it my own.
It starts out with "In 2017 I will..." then has a list of 15 verbs. Here is mine:
Quit eating sugar.
Start exercising.
Visit the gods and goddesses through meditation.
Accept myself.
Honor my dad.
Make a series of Asatru virtues story books.
See my true self.
Learn the runes.
Give thoughtful answers when asked advice.
Eat fewer carbs.
Share my knowledge with those who ask.
Be the queen of the kindred again as well as gythia.
Study the runes, Eddas and sagas.
Grow spiritually by learning the runes, writing the virtue stories and studying the Eddas and sagas.
Invest in myself.

Yes there is a lot to accomplish in that list, but instead of think of a one time resolution it is a guide to grow by. I think I can handle that. 2017 is going to be a great year.

Birthday Party...

presents!!!

Our little boy had a birthday last week! he is 5 now!!! it is hard to believe that time has flown by so fast! He LOVES all things dinosaur so we used that for our theme this year. Last Sat. we had friends and family over to celebrate. We had lots of gifts and lots of fun! with all the dino things out there we chose to have a dig (Cow bones from our local butcher, that we boiled the meat and fat off) The cake and ice cream were made by a local baker (also a friend)

the awesome cake!

showing off the gifts!

New toys (K'nex)

Sissy enjoying the fun

OMG that is a large bone!

Silence

So the past few months we have not been as good about posting here... we have been dealing with some things in our personal lives and we have not had enough energy to find things to post about.  Not that we have had ideas, but the time needed to expand on them has been used to try and figure out what is going on with us. 
We have not hidden the fact that we live differently than most, and with that comes different challenges and greater rewards.. being the 2 women in one man's life we have a wonderful benefit of having a friend to talk to about what is bugging us without airing our dirty laundry to someone on the outside.  But that can cause frustrations also as it can look like 2 are ganging up on the other.
In the past 8 weeks we have been working on our communication  (something most relationships need to work on all the time) as always we have our hiccups... but we keep working...
We are also in the process of changing our daily routine to include a school or learning time and looking into the best options for our kids.. our Son is of kindergarten age this fall and we have decided to delay for a year to allow his brain to develop more. But we want to work with him and provide him with more social interaction so if we decide to send him to school next year he is ready to work with other kids and listen to a teacher every day.  And our daughter cannot let brother get ahead of her (oh the sibling competition, and she is 18 months younger) so we have to see about teaching her already!
There are others outside our immediate family who think they know best and are getting rather pushy about what they think is best. But then a learning toy we picked out (for birthday) is to advanced? Not sure why but it has been voiced... all while portraying the attitude that we are lazy and can't handle the teaching... we are at a loss to figure out what the issue really is, but would really love to be trusted for once. Thankfully there are others also not immediate family who think we are doing a great job and the learning is going right on track for him, and this person is a teacher who just last year was teaching his age group. that helps us to feel like we are on the right path even if it is not the path that one person feels like we should take even knowing the detrimental effects it could have on his life long learning...
That in a nutshell is what has been going on here.. there will also be some good news about the craft business soon (still working out details)
We feel bad about not posting more, but we have to find the balance in the many hats we wear daily..
Wife, mother, housekeeper, business woman, crafter, artisan, daughter, gopher, and chauffeur just to name a few..
Not trying to make excuses, just trying to shed light on the crazy lives we lead...

Father's day

Yesterday was Father's day.. and one in our year of firsts.. we tried to make it special for John and David and ignored the fact that it was the first without our dads.. until the evening, then I made a toast to them and to the dads still here.

John with his pride and joys...

We will always miss our Fathers

Ellen's Father 

Lisa's Father

They were great men, fathers, husbands, sons, grandfathers...

Hi functioning depression

I read an article this evening that got me thinking.. it was about hi functioning depression.. a term I have never heard but knew instantly it was me.
I remember a little about being "normal" but my memories are few and far between. Some where around when my sister was born it all changed. But I did not know it then,  I kept on with life,  but I had a really hard time getting to sleep @ night,  I was numb inside. Still showing emotions to the world (and most were true, I just did not feel them the same way) it was in that time window that I was abused for the 2nd time.  My parents did the best that could,  I do not blame them @ all. I blame the perv...
When I was 14 it happened again.. note it was more attempted, than actual. But all the bad feelings were there.. that time I shut down. The world saw I was depressed, but no one knew why. Almost a year after I told one person and she told me the same guy had tried it on her. What a pervert! I also allowed my best friend at the time to start to draw me back out into the world.  But the depression never left. I learned to cope with it,  I was social, I had friends, I was seen as someone who did not shut up.. but my insides were dead.. I thought many times about ending it,  came really close one time...
Then I found my blessing! Sharon! She was also a pastor's kid, raised in a conservative Christian Church (not the same one I was) and she got me!  She knew the questions to ask me,  the ones I did not have answers ready for... I started asking myself Why? When?  How? Then getting deeper, it is reaction? Or fear? Reason or false? And the list goes on.
Using the tools Sharon gave me I have been able to look at myself in a different way and have worked on a good many of my issues.. (I swear the list gets longer the more I work on it)
But what I have noticed in the last few months,  I am started to loose the always looking at the negative of a situation.. that it not to say that it does not come up,  but that I am able to say no to it. This enables me to get to the root of what is bothering me without making it about someone else.... progress is hard,  but worth it..
I will always be more down than some,  but I can always work on me,  making me a better person,  lover,  mother....

This is the story that got me started

Test Results

This week I had a doctor's appointment. It was to get some results from tests the doctor had run on me. Most of it was the usual stuff. I need to lose weight and get my cholesterol down.  And then there was the one I wasn't expecting. We did the tests to check for autoimmune disorders.  One of the markers came back positive. My sister called me a lucky bum and the doctor looked at us like we were crazy. Maybe we are but it was a relief to finally have at least a partial answer to what is going on with my body. My sister and I deal with many of the same issues. She has been actively seeking answers for several years. I have only been trying to figure it out for a year or so. Before that I simply tried to ignore it. I guess the doctor isn't used to people being happy over a diagnosis like that. But it meant I wasn't imagining things. There was something wrong all this time that people told me it was all in my head.
This has got me thinking about all the things that I ignore until they are too big to ignore. I know a lot of it is in how I grew up with the impression that my problems were not as important as everybody else.  It took something drastic for anyone to even notice me. So I don't trust my own instincts and feelings. That really messes a person up. Half the time I don't even trust my own memories.