Firsts

This last week was rough for me. Friday would have been my father's 70th birthday. This was the first major thing without him. In the past we always had Japanese food to celebrate. We had pizza that night at my request. I knew bringing up memories would not be a good idea. But it got me thinking about traditions and legacies. Again.
My dad had a desk job for most of his life, but I remember him as an outdoor person. He cut and split wood for our stove. He took us camping every chance we had. He taught me the stars. He could identify every bird. Trees were no problem. I hope I teach my kids half as much as he taught me.
With that in mind I have been thinking about my own education in the things I want to be able to teach my kids. So in this year of firsts, I am going to working on me. Learning or relearning the things I want to pass on to my kids.

Traditions of summer...

This time of year has me thinking a lot about family traditions. I know that many people do not see this time of year to be the one to think about this... but it has been in my head for a few weeks.. With Lisa and I dealing with a lot of firsts this year (First year with out our dads...) we are looking more and more to what we did as children and how we can keep that alive with our kids. Yes, I have no biological kids of my own.. but I am lucky to be a part of a family where that is a detail not a rule. I have step-kids from my last marriage whom I will love until I die, and Lisa's kids are mine, they even call me Mommy Ellen half the time, the rest of the time it is Auntie Ellen. last weekend we dyed eggs and celebrated spring. it was a lot of fun, family time!

Growing up we never did much this time of year, but we always had lots to do for the 4th of July.. One of the last texts I sent my dad was a pict of blueberry pie. that was his favorite and I knew he was not doing good when he did not even respond.. it was before we knew what was going on, but it was a sad sign for me. I saved them so I can look back to them later.. even if doing so about made me cry. The pain of loosing a parent is deep, but I can learn from it, I will learn from it. I will keep working on me, to become a better person each and every year. Some one that I know he would be proud of, even if he disagrees with the path that I follow. I follow the path that feels right to me. (that can lead into a whole new post... but this is not the time for that)

Once again what I started out to write about changed as I wrote.. I had been thinking about things we did as a family and all the fun we had.. Spring and Summer were the times that we spent outside. The times that I remember most, hiking, canoeing(I had a dislike of that one for a LONG time!... something about when I went out with dad we always capsized....) camping, Pitching tents for meetings... the list goes on and on.. time spent together is what is boils down to...

Character Bags, the beginning

About 4 years ago I made our first character bag. It was a jack-o-lantern bag. That one was pink and purple for a friend's little girl. I had a pattern for that one. Little did I know that that little bag would be the start of Wear Creations becoming a reality. Now we design all kinds of bags. First we were asked to make a snowman, and about that time we were working on a cat. From there it has blossomed into the majority of our work. Designing and selling these bags has given us the money and courage to branch out and try more things. It has taken us from a few local craft fairs to starting our own website to getting our stuff in a store in Reno, NV to getting on Amazon. The last half of 2015 and the first couple of months of 2016 were really rough personally, but for our business they were exciting times. We got all the paperwork done for our business license. We got our stuff in the store. We were accepted by Amazon. And to think we owe it all to a little jack-o-lantern bag. All that we have now started with that little bag. Each year we do better at each of the craft fairs. And I expect that this year will be no exception. Last year we actually had a customer come looking for us. The year before she had purchased a pumpkin bag. Last year she purchased five more bags, and put in her requests for this year. Thanks to her, we are designing a Santa bag and a witch bag and a few others. 

Locally we have found our little niche. It may take us a few years to find our niche in our other ventures, but just like our little bags made our place here, it will find us. And when it does it will probably take us by surprise. 

The exchange of energy

This weekend Lisa and I got to spend some time with a friend who we have not been able to see for almost 2 years. Long story short He was in an accident where someone died and he was found responsible. We were finally approved for visits, so we went just as soon as we could.
Last night I was thinking about how odd we were in the visiting room. Most of the others were talking non stop or when they were done the visitors left. Lisa and I stayed the WHOLE time and we talked but we also just sat together. As I was thinking about it we were talking the whole time but not with words. Our energies were mingling and making sure that he was okay. We left with a feeling that is unlike any other. We knew we would be there for him no matter how long, but now we know that this is doable, and that he is still him, while this has changed him he is growing from it not sinking in it. He is using the situation to make him a stronger person and is looking back on what happened with clearer eyes. Seeing what he did and did not do that led to the accident (and I am not talking about that night but other things that he did not see as an issue then, but now can see it was the first step that led him to the choices that led to the accident).
The part that makes me sad is that his partner of MANY years is not able to see him. I know that she is upset that we can and she cannot but I don't think that she knows that we wish she could. I hope that we can find away to get her approval also. I know that would help both of them.

Thinking about the energy has given me a new way of thinking about talking and while I have known about this for a long time and am a firm believer in its use. I have a new understanding of it. Energy is alive, it is a thing you can't 100% control. But intention is everything. If you are doing something that you do not want to be doing your energy will tattle on you, if you are resistant to what is going on your energy will show it... If you are doing something for the right reasons your energy will show it. This unspoken language is something not everyone can listen to, and the amount that a person can read varies. I am reasonable but I am not an expert in it, I am still learning, growing and experiencing. While we were visiting I saw people who were there because they felt they needed to be there, those that were doing something because they felt bad for the person, and people who were there because they wanted to be. Those that were there for the right reasons were more animated and seemed to have fun. Their energy was bubbly and happy, not sullen and grumpy. we made those that were not there for the right reasons a little more uncomfortable.. oops... we were not trying to, but our energies were more dominate in the small space.
As I try to type out my thoughts on the use of energy for communication, I am seeing that they are not yet solid, but they are coming together. I think I need to spend more time on this thought before it is something that I can explain to others in a way that is understandable. So there will be more to follow on this when the thoughts gel more...

Dolls, books and our crazy life

Last week I needed a new project, and I have been wanting to make a doll. A few weeks ago I was in our favorite locally owned book store and found a book called My Crochet Doll. It has one doll pattern and then all kinds of outfits for her. Our 2 year old thinks everything we make is for her (her 4 year old brother thinks the same thing) and the new doll is no exception. At the moment we are making her a St. Patrick's Day out fit. I usually do the crocheting and Ellen puts it together. Well we had the doll with us when we went to see one of our doctors. We found out really quick that she collects dolls, so we are going to do a doctor outfit and doll for her. As with most patterns we are already modifying and changing this one to fit our needs and make it easier for us to make. It has been years since I have followed a pattern exactly as it was written. I have even started writing my own patterns. One of these days I want to work on nothing but design for a while. For now I am happy to modify others pattern, as I don't have the time to really concentrate on design. Life has a way of steering me where I need to go. 

The doll and her book got me thinking about all this and how recently I have been steered back to where I really want to go. Last year at this time I was not really being creative. I was struggling to organize my time so that the household did not fall apart. It felt like there was so much to do. Now, just one year later, the house may not stay spotless, but at least it isn't a disaster most of the time. I spend at least a little time each day creating. It may only be one row or a few lines of a pattern written, but its something. Wear Creations, the company I dreamed up as a teenager and named way back when, is a reality. We have a business license and all the proper paperwork. Our creations are in a store in Reno, NV called Buy Nevada First and on Handmade by Amazon. Those two have happened in just the last three months. 

I still have dreams for the future. But I am on my way, and if this is as far as I get to go, if I get stuck here, then I will be happy. I believe in dreaming big, but taking baby steps to get there. Shoot for the moon and if I miss then at least I will land among the stars.